Tom Swifties
- "I'm over here, Hermione, under the invisibility cloak," whispered Harry, transparently. (Jim Flanagan)
- "Meow!" said Cruikshanks, catagorically. (Jim Flanagan)
- "Do you like my new dress robes?" asked Fleur, figuratively. (Jim Flanagan)
- "You must put the lacewings in *before* the axolotl, Longbottom!" Snape said explosively. (Jim Flanagan)
- "Avada... uh, how does that go again?" said Goyle, cursorily. (Jim Flanagan)
- "I've lost my finger!" cried Pettigrew, pointlessly. (with apologies to Elizabeth Shaffer) (Jim Flanagan)
- "Allow me to introduce myself; I am Madam Maxime," she said, broadly. (Jim Flanagan)
- "Want to play a game of chess?" asked Ron, ponderously. ("pawnderously"). (Jim Flanagan)
- "Welcome to the Knight Bus," said Stan, conductively. (Jim Flanagan)
- "Oh, no! I've forgotten my colour-coded revisions!" said Hermione, listlessly. (Jim Flanagan)
- "That @#$%! poltergeist!" Filch swore, peevishly. (Jim Flanagan)
- "Mine was sixteen inches, solid oak," stated Hagrid, erectly. (Jim Flanagan)
- "Someone's stolen all the games from the Common Room," cried Fred and George, Cluelessly. (Jim Flanagan)
- "You must breathe in the medicated vapours as deeply as possible," said Madam Pomfrey, inspirationally. (Jim Flanagan)
- "Please concentrate all your attention on this pocket watch..." Professor Trelawney intoned, hypnotically. (Jim Flanagan)
- "Welcome to my humble stall," said Myrtle, commodiously. (Jim Flanagan)
- "I've just fallen through the screen door," said Harry in a strained voice. (Sister Mary Lunatic)
- "Lupin showed me how to take care of Dementors," Harry said, patronizingly. (Jim Flanagan)
- "My parents wanted to use muggle dentistry to fix my teeth," Hermione said, bracingly.(Jim Flanagan)
- "I'm not speaking to you!" Ron said, silently.(Jim Flanagan)
- "All Gryffindors line up over here for your Ritalin!" Madam Pomfrey ADDed, attentively.(Jim Flanagan)
- "Drop your wands!" Moody ordered, disarmingly.(Jim Flanagan)
- "Hi! We're Fred and George Weasley," the twins said, duplicitously.(Jim Flanagan)
- "The car's falling 'cause the transmission's blown", said Ron automatically. (NLPNT)
- "The test's TODAY!? I thought it was tomorrow! Where's that Time- Turner!?", said Hermione lackadaisically. (NLPNT)
- "We do seem to run through them, don't we?" pondered Dumbledore dadaistically. (Amy Z)
- "I'll fix your injuries, Harry," said Lockhart disarmingly. (Caius Marcius)
- "I think I left my watch on Tom Riddle's tombstone," said Harry cryptically. (Caius Marcius)
- "Did you hear the one about the 4000-lb German wizard?" asked Karkaroff Teutonically. (Caius Marcius)
- "Naughty, naughty, you'll get caughty, Peeves teased hauntingly." (Doreen_Iowa)
- "The mirror in the Boy's dorm always seems sad," Harry thought reflectively. (Morsus Crustum)
- Yours Retentively, etc. Anal P. Lardbottom, Department of Canonical Swifties (Jim Flanagan)
- "That Potter boy is really starting to get on my nerves!" said Voldemort in a harried voice. (Sister Mary Lunatic)
- "Ron has beaten me at chess," complained Hermione, (k)nightly. (Pigwidgeon)
- "The damned candle blew out", muttered Draco, darkly. (Morsus Crustum)
- "I'm going to tell on you!" said Peeves, transparently. (Neil)
- "Hold that thought!" said Dumbledore, pensively. (Neil)
- "Ooops. My head is hanging off again," said Nearly Headless Nick, severely. (Neil)
- "That's right, my parents are both dentists," said Hermione, incisively. (Neil)
- "I work for Grunnings, the drill manufacturer," said Vernon, boringly. (Neil)
- "That broom's not up to much," said Draco, sweepingly. (Neil)
- "Please remember the rules of netiquette!" said Flying Ford Anglia, exhaustively. (Neil)
- "Sirius's letter says that a she-dog has moved in with him," Harry said, animatedly. (Jim Flanagan)
- "First years, please come this way," said McGonagall, unidirectionally. (Jim Flanagan)
- "Who's the weirdo in the turban sitting up front?" asked Ron, querulously. (Jim Flanagan)
- "I got to visit Viktor in Bulgaria for three weeks last summer... It was wonderful!" said Hermione, expectantly. (Jim Flanagan)