Tom Swifties

  1. "I'm over here, Hermione, under the invisibility cloak," whispered Harry, transparently. (Jim Flanagan)

  2. "Meow!" said Cruikshanks, catagorically. (Jim Flanagan)

  3. "Do you like my new dress robes?" asked Fleur, figuratively. (Jim Flanagan)

  4. "You must put the lacewings in *before* the axolotl, Longbottom!" Snape said explosively. (Jim Flanagan)

  5. "Avada... uh, how does that go again?" said Goyle, cursorily. (Jim Flanagan)

  6. "I've lost my finger!" cried Pettigrew, pointlessly. (with apologies to Elizabeth Shaffer) (Jim Flanagan)

  7. "Allow me to introduce myself; I am Madam Maxime," she said, broadly. (Jim Flanagan)

  8. "Want to play a game of chess?" asked Ron, ponderously. ("pawnderously"). (Jim Flanagan)

  9. "Welcome to the Knight Bus," said Stan, conductively. (Jim Flanagan)

  10. "Oh, no! I've forgotten my colour-coded revisions!" said Hermione, listlessly. (Jim Flanagan)

  11. "That @#$%! poltergeist!" Filch swore, peevishly. (Jim Flanagan)

  12. "Mine was sixteen inches, solid oak," stated Hagrid, erectly. (Jim Flanagan)

  13. "Someone's stolen all the games from the Common Room," cried Fred and George, Cluelessly. (Jim Flanagan)

  14. "You must breathe in the medicated vapours as deeply as possible," said Madam Pomfrey, inspirationally. (Jim Flanagan)

  15. "Please concentrate all your attention on this pocket watch..." Professor Trelawney intoned, hypnotically. (Jim Flanagan)

  16. "Welcome to my humble stall," said Myrtle, commodiously. (Jim Flanagan)

  17. "I've just fallen through the screen door," said Harry in a strained voice. (Sister Mary Lunatic)

  18. "Lupin showed me how to take care of Dementors," Harry said, patronizingly. (Jim Flanagan)

  19. "My parents wanted to use muggle dentistry to fix my teeth," Hermione said, bracingly.(Jim Flanagan)

  20. "I'm not speaking to you!" Ron said, silently.(Jim Flanagan)

  21. "All Gryffindors line up over here for your Ritalin!" Madam Pomfrey ADDed, attentively.(Jim Flanagan)

  22. "Drop your wands!" Moody ordered, disarmingly.(Jim Flanagan)

  23. "Hi! We're Fred and George Weasley," the twins said, duplicitously.(Jim Flanagan)

  24. "The car's falling 'cause the transmission's blown", said Ron automatically. (NLPNT)

  25. "The test's TODAY!? I thought it was tomorrow! Where's that Time- Turner!?", said Hermione lackadaisically. (NLPNT)

  26. "We do seem to run through them, don't we?" pondered Dumbledore dadaistically. (Amy Z)

  27. "I'll fix your injuries, Harry," said Lockhart disarmingly. (Caius Marcius)

  28. "I think I left my watch on Tom Riddle's tombstone," said Harry cryptically. (Caius Marcius)

  29. "Did you hear the one about the 4000-lb German wizard?" asked Karkaroff Teutonically. (Caius Marcius)

  30. "Naughty, naughty, you'll get caughty, Peeves teased hauntingly." (Doreen_Iowa)

  31. "The mirror in the Boy's dorm always seems sad," Harry thought reflectively. (Morsus Crustum)

  32. Yours Retentively, etc. Anal P. Lardbottom, Department of Canonical Swifties (Jim Flanagan)

  33. "That Potter boy is really starting to get on my nerves!" said Voldemort in a harried voice. (Sister Mary Lunatic)

  34. "Ron has beaten me at chess," complained Hermione, (k)nightly. (Pigwidgeon)

  35. "The damned candle blew out", muttered Draco, darkly. (Morsus Crustum)

  36. "I'm going to tell on you!" said Peeves, transparently. (Neil)

  37. "Hold that thought!" said Dumbledore, pensively. (Neil)

  38. "Ooops. My head is hanging off again," said Nearly Headless Nick, severely. (Neil)

  39. "That's right, my parents are both dentists," said Hermione, incisively. (Neil)

  40. "I work for Grunnings, the drill manufacturer," said Vernon, boringly. (Neil)

  41. "That broom's not up to much," said Draco, sweepingly. (Neil)

  42. "Please remember the rules of netiquette!" said Flying Ford Anglia, exhaustively. (Neil)

  43. "Sirius's letter says that a she-dog has moved in with him," Harry said, animatedly. (Jim Flanagan)

  44. "First years, please come this way," said McGonagall, unidirectionally. (Jim Flanagan)

  45. "Who's the weirdo in the turban sitting up front?" asked Ron, querulously. (Jim Flanagan)

  46. "I got to visit Viktor in Bulgaria for three weeks last summer... It was wonderful!" said Hermione, expectantly. (Jim Flanagan)