The Ickiest HP theory ever

[Amy Z]

Eileen dared us:

> See if you can beat it!

Hm.  That's a tough one.  What could be ickier than Eye-transplant 
Harry and Lily?  I don't think it's been seen yet--we might have to 
start posting new theories in order to outdo Finwitch.  How 
about . . . 


Brain-transplant Trelawney and Mrs. Norris 

    --explains why Trelawney's so dim and Mrs. Norris is so savvy and 
proves FLIRTIAC.  Filch was in love with Trelawney, and of course 
still is, cat-formed though she has become.  Theory incidentally 
explains what the first prediction was.  "I see myself with a bowl of 
Friskies . . . no, Sheba!"  Fortunately for her she was 
uncharacteristically correct and does get to eat premium cat food for 
the rest of her days.

Kidney-transplant Dumbledore and Karkaroff 

    --I mean, what *is* Dumbledore nattering on about?  What would 
possess a usually civilized gentleman to go into such detail about 
his urinary escapades during a feast?  Clearly he has an ulterior 
motive.  He is poking at poor Karkaroff, who, twelve years before, 
was forced to provide a kidney to Dumbledore (who was suffering 
imminent renal failure at the time) as part of his deal with the 
Ministry.  Since arriving at Hogwarts, Karkaroff has become aware 
that the real reason Dumbledore resurrected the Triwizard Tournament 
was to get Karkaroff back within reach, for another kidney is failing 
and Dumbledore needs Karkaroff's good one.  He takes every 
opportunity to remind K of the urgency of this need and of the fact 
that he, K, is about to start a lifetime on Magical Dialysis.  (The 
mark he shows Snape is not a skull with a snake in it but a flashing 
IV insertion point.  "It's getting clearer!"  His days are 
numbered . . . )

Not quite tasteless enough?  How about . . . 

Heart-transplant Harry and Snape--no, make that:

Baby Harry Was Fed Snape's Heart (pureed, with peaches) by James 

   --explains both why Snape doesn't have one and why he hates J & H 
so much.


Amy