Wormtail, Wormtail, why would I kill you?

[dicentra63]

"Your Ladyship is still determined, then?" Dicentra said quietly.

"Certainly I am determined, Dicentra." There was a note of menace in 
the cold voice now.

A slight pause followed--and then Dicentra spoke, the words tumbling 
from her in a rush, as though she were forcing herself to say this 
before she lost her nerve.

"It could be done without cataloging, My Lady."

Another pause, more protracted, and then--

"Without cataloging?" breathed the second voice, softly. "I see..."

"My Lady I do not say this out of concern for the catalogers!" said 
Dicentra, her voice rising squeakily. "The catalogers are nothing to 
me, nothing at all! It is merely that if we were to use another 
method--any method—the thing could be done so much more quickly!  If 
you allowed me to leave off cataloging for a short while—you know 
that I can work most rapidly--I could be back here in as little as 
three weeks with all the FAQs updated--"

"We could use another method," said the cold voice softly, "that is 
true..."

"My Lady, it makes sense," said Dicentra, sounding thoroughly 
relieved now. "Cataloging the whole list is so difficult, it is so 
enormous--"

"And so you go to fetch me a different method? I wonder... perhaps 
the task of cataloging has become wearisome for you, Dicentra? Could 
this suggestion of abandoning the original cataloging plan be 
nothing more than an attempt to desert the FAQ project?"

"My Lady! I--I have no wish to leave the FAQ project, none at all--"

"Do not lie to me!" hissed the second voice. "I can always tell, 
Dicentra! You are regretting you ever volunteered for this.  It 
revolts you. I see you flinch when you open Excel, feel you shudder 
when you open the list archive..."

"No! My devotion to your Ladyship--"

"Your devotion is nothing more than boredom. You would not be here 
if you had anything else to do. How is the FAQ project to survive 
without you, when it needs 1,000 posts cataloged ever few days? Who 
is to parse the list?"

"But it seems to be going so well, My Lady--"

"Liar," breathed the second voice.  "The FAQs are not getting done 
any faster, and a few days of laziness on your part would be enough 
to rob the project of what little momentum it has regained under 
your clumsy care.  *Silence*!"

Dicentra, who had been sputtering incoherently, fell silent at 
once.  For a few seconds, nothing more could be heard but the 
keyboard tapping.  Then the second person spoke once more, in a 
whisper that was almost a hiss.

"I have my reasons for doing the cataloging, as I have already 
explained to you, and I will use no other method. I have waited many 
months. A few more days and we'll have this thing done. As for the 
enormity of the task, I believe my plan will be effective.  All that 
is needed is a little motivation from you, Dicentra--motivation you 
will find, unless you wish to feel the full extent of Sin D.C.'s 
wrath--"

"My Lady, I must speak!" said Dicentra, panic in her voice now. "All 
through our cataloging, I have gone through the FAQ project in my 
head--My Lady, the old FAQs' transformation will not go unnoticed 
for long, and if we proceed, if I update—"

"If?" whispered the second voice. "*If*?" If you follow the plan, 
Dicentra, the other Moderators need never know that any other FAQ 
has been modified. You will do so quietly and without fuss; I only 
wish that I could do it myself, but I've got my own 1,000-post block 
to do... Come, Dicentra, one more block of 1,000 and our path to 
updated FAQs is clear.  I am not asking you to do it alone.  By that 
time, the *diligent* catalogers will have finished their blocks—"

"*I* am a diligent cataloger," said Dicentra, the merest trace of 
sullenness in her voice.

"Dicentra, I need someone with brains, somebody whose enthusiasm has 
never wavered, and you, unfortunately, fulfill neither requirement."

"I made a help file," said Dicentra, and there was definitely a 
sulky edge to her voice now. "I was the one who found out how to 
upload multiple terms to the database. I made a template."

"That is true," said the second person, sounding amused. "A stroke 
of brilliance I would not have thought possible from you, Dicentra--
though if truth be told, you were not aware of how useful the help 
file would be when you made it, were you?"

"I--I thought it might be useful, My Lady--"

"Liar," said the second voice again, the cruel amusement more 
pronounced than ever. "However, I do not deny that the information 
was invaluable. Without it, I could never have formed our plan, and 
for that, you will have your reward, Dicentra.  I will allow you to 
perform an essential task for me, one that many of my followers 
would give their right hands to perform..."

"R-really, My Lady? What—? Dicentra sounded terrified again.

"Ah, Dicentra, you don't want me to spoil the surprise? Your part 
will come at the very end... but I promise you, you will have the 
honor of being just as useful as the help file."

Dicentra mulled this over.  This honor could involve either having 
her name broadcast far and wide as the sole creator of the catalog, 
or she could be fed to Nagini.  She knew what she had to do...

She switched on Excel and got to it with increased fervor...