Mayhem, sex & gore/Crouches/OT polls

[carolynwhite2]

Miss Havisham blearily stumbled back into the catalogue office at 
lunchtime GMT. It had been a bad night, no doubt about it. She 
surveyed the devastation. 

>>the empty bottles lying around<<
>>Bloody footprints lead across the Axminster and disappear into an 
old armchair.<<
>>a blob of something slips from the blood-matted hair to the floor, 
with a soft plop.<<<
>>the Chesterfield will forever bear a rusty silhouette <<
>>a slippery flap that flecks the wallpaper with ruddy droplets.<<

She closes her eyes for a moment. How the heck is she going to 
reassure the more nervous members of the cataloguing group that this 
is not a conspiracy theorists' hideout? With some difficulty.

'Evanesco !' 

Instantly, the cataloguing main office is scourgified. The windows 
spring open, and instead of the smell of stale blood and alcohol, the 
room is filled with sea breezes and the welcome aroma of fresh ground 
coffee.

With arms folded, Miss Havisham surveys the culprits, who it has to 
be said, don't look very contrite.

Talisman, although showered and wearing an odd assortment of nearly-
new clothes continues to grin wickedly, and fits the bloody shadow on 
the Chesterfield exactly.

Kneasy, insouciantly smoking a cigar, is pinning up pictures of Bella 
threatening Harry with her wand, up beside his ABBA posters, 
admitting: <<'Even that makes me break out in a light sweat.'<<<

"You do realise you two are lowering the tone? Don't you.." she 
began, rather hopelessly, trying not to smile.
"That there are all these nice people out there who are just thrilled 
by these magical books, and like to read them to their children ? 
Clean, family entertainment, right?"

"It really matters to them to discuss whether Americans make wussy 
parents, or not; and issues such as 'it's worse to have a happy life 
cut short..[no].. it's worse to have a long sucky one.' are really 
crucial in their lives. It wasn't nice to start 'ripping heads off 
like spent blossoms', you know."

"And as for you".. Miss Havisham glared at Kneasy. "..I think you 
know perfectly well that this kind of thing can't be republished on 
public information websites:
 
>>> One of my more whimsical observations on life is that what every 
17 year old boy needs is Tina Turner. If she's not available, Bella 
will make a damn good substitute. Less imaginative posters 
hypothesise a show-down between her and Neville. How mundane can you 
get? Have you no soul, is there no fire in your belly? *This* could 
be epic. Ginny will be Burger-King after Michellin 3 star; Hermione 
boiled cabbage after fois gras. Lucky, lucky Harry.

La Belle Dame Sans Merci. And if she finds Harry alone and palely 
loitering, his goose is cooked.<<<

Kneasy looked even more smug than usual, in fact, he was so pleased 
with himself that he even overlooked the fact that his gin cupboard 
had been raided overnight. Cramming a battered fedora on his head, he 
banged out the office on his way down to The George for a pick-me-up. 
Talisman was halfway out the door to join him, when Miss Havisham 
called her back.

"Waaait a minute! Not quite so fast.."

She scribbled some numbers on a piece of paper: 39801-39900.

"Now, just you take care of these..they are our heritage you 
know..I'll be checking up on you."

Nervously she watched Talisman tuck them into her cartridge belt. 
Still, any hanky panky with that lot, and Talisman would have Pip, 
Pippin and Grey Wolf to deal with. She could try gutting and feeding 
them to 0.7 and see what happened.

Comforted by this pleasant thought, Carolyn turned to Kelly, who was 
standing smartly to attention by her desk.

"Permission to speak, ma'am". Kelly launched quickly into a gabble:

"I thought one of the prerequisites for this job was the ability to 
recite all Harry Potter books verbatim. Schoolbooks included, Miss 
Havisham.

"JOBBERKNOLL
M.O.M. Classification: XX

The Jobberknoll (northern Europe and America) is a tiny blue, 
speckled bird which eats small insects. It makes no sound until the 
moment of its death, at which point it lets out a long scream made up 
of every sound it has ever heard, regurgitated backwards. Jobberknoll 
feathers are used in Truth Serums and Memory Potions."

FBAWTFT p. 22-23

Jobberknolls come from JKR. Now, if you want to start a debate on the
canonicity of the schoolbooks...<<<

Rats! The girl was right. Forcing an awful smile to her face, Miss 
Havisham acknowleged defeat. It didn't do to muck with anyone who 
could recite the books verbatim, sight unseen, from the middle of the 
Pacific Ocean.

She reached in her desk for a bar of Honeydukes best, and presented 
it to Kelly.

"You shall have your wish..Jobberknoll's will be added to the 
categories list. They could come in handy after all; we are running 
low on truth serum."

Feeling in need of a pick-me-up herself, she quickly dealt with two 
further overnight queries from Kathy and Ginger:

>>>I've come across a thread that talks about the Crouches...the 
father's treatment of Barty Jr., the mother's sacrifice. I coded to 
the general heading of family dynamics and to the three individuals.<<


>>In my new batch, there is a new poll. Since polls are in their own 
section, recorded for posterity already, I assume it is to be
rejected, correct? Is it to be rejected under Admin or
OT/personal... or does it really matter, just so long as it gets
rejected?>>>

saying she would add 'Crouch's' as an extra sub-category to the 
family dynamics list, and that ALL quizzes and polls were to be 
mercilessly rejected to OT without exception.

At last, she could leave. A little unfinished writing business 
awaited her, which required more silence and concentration than was 
possible in the noisy Catalogue office.

Carolyn