CoS: things that make me cringe (Part 1)

[GulPlum]

To honour the opening of CoS to unspoiled discussion (see ADMIN msg 
#3876), and my own 14th (?) viewing of the film today, I thought I'd 
share a list of those things about this movie, in chronological 
order, which make me physically squirm when watching it. Most of them 
have been raised in conversation before, and are bad execution rather 
than bad ideas, although not in all cases. Of necessity, this post 
will be extremely negative, but this (VERY LONG) list doesn't 
preclude me from liking the movie overall. :-)

The opening sequence with Harry looking through the photo album and 
talking to Hedwig. Radcliffe's worst acting in the movie, which 
should have been redone, as it sets the tone for what follows, 
slightly unjustly, as he does get (slightly) better during the movie 
shoot. As it happens, unlike some people, I don't think that 
Radcliffe's scenes with Dobby were *that* bad (with the exception of 
his reactions to Dobby's warnings: his lines "What things? Who's 
plotting them?", which I thought were truly dreadfully delivered).

The Dursleys bunching up to ask Harry about what he'll be doing when 
the Masons arrive.

The arrival of the car and the "hellos".

Fred & George. Throughout the movie. I dislike the Phelps twins with 
an intensity I didn't believe I could possibly feel towards people I 
don't know (I'm usually a fairly easy-going chap).

"There's one place we're goint to get all of this: Diagon Alley!" - 
quite possibly, the worst line in the movie, and the worst delivered.

The look on Radcliffe's face when Hagrid finds him in Knockturn Alley 
(I'm not sure *what* it is that makes me cringe about it, but it 
does).

Hermione's "hellos" in Diagon Alley.

Tom Felton. Two things: firstly, his role consists mainly of 
sneering. Which in itself is fine, except for the fact that Felton's 
sneer isn't really effective. He either looks hurst or embarassed, 
not supercilious. Second, his up-and-down accent. He's meant to be 
ultra-upper class but most of the time, he sounds like he's just 
escaped from a production of Oliver Twist as one of Fagin's urchins. 
(The one positive thing I'll include in this post: by comparison, 
Isaacs' piss-take of Prince Philip's speech patterns is 
extrordinary!).

Mark Williams' reaction to Lucius's taunts. They just don't ring true.

Flying the car to Hogwarts sequence - several things make me cringe, 
some of which are generic, but I'll list them all here:
- Kloves doesn't seem to have an ear for how real English teenagers 
speak. As clever as he is, and as much a part of *Radcliffe's* 
vocabulary as it may be, I don't see Harry using the 
word "accustomed" in the "most Muggles aren't accustomed to seeing a 
flying car" line. It's just too... gramatically perfect.
- Grint's delivery of "the invisibility booster must be faulty"
- common complaint: Columbus's trademark "screaming kids" shot, which 
he takes to utter excess in this film and uses far too frequently 
(let's count the screams to camera: when the kids find the train, 
when Harry falls out, when they're being whomped, when they're 
escaping the spiders, when they come down the chute to the Chamber). 
Come on, Columbus, these kids are made of stronger stuff! Besides, 
when's the last time you ever hard 12 year-old *boys* screaming?
- the Whomping Willow itself. It looks nothing like the grove of 
willow trees I see down the road every day. Furthermore, willows 
usually grow next to bodies of water - IIRC, in the book, it's on the 
lakeside, but the lake is nowhere to be seen in the movie. 
- the car escaping to the Forest. I don't like the logistics. I would 
have preferred them to have landed somewhere close to Hagrid's hut 
rather than chase the car through the grounds.

Mandrake scene. *AWFUL* acting from absolutely everyone concerned, 
although the Mandrakes themselves were rather cute. ;-)

The Howler scene. Fine, except for the end. I *hate* tacking on the 
Ginny congratulations to it, and it just fizzles out with a raspberry 
instead of going out with a bang.

The Mudblood scene. Lots of comment has been made about the lack of 
reaction, but Felton's delivery of the line itself stinks (I wonder 
why they left the "little" in "filthy little mudblood" - apart from 
Felton's crap enunication, it changes the rhythm of the sentence to 
poor effect).

The scene in Hagrid's hut, and in particular Emma Waton's atrocious 
tear-welling. She said how she did it (staring into space until her 
eyes water) but it *looks* like that's how she did it - they are not 
tears of pain or emotional distress. They should have given her some 
glycerin (second oldest fake tears in the acting business, after 
rubbing onions into one's cheeks), and allowed her to concentrate on 
showing some emotion rather than showing her tears. 

Mrs Norris attack scene: I hate Columbus's choice of shots. The shot 
of the spiders doesn't work, and then seeing the writing on the wall 
reflected in the water before seeing the real thing simply doesn't 
work. And another thing, which doesn't really make me cringe, as much 
as it simply annoys me: how on earth does Dumbledore know that Mrs 
Norris has been petrified rather than killed, simply from looking at 
her from across the hallway? Piss-poor direction. 

Another annoyance rather than cringe-inducing element: why is the 
writing on the greenboard in the Transfiguration class sequence 
mirrored? Some people have suggested it's a continuity error but it's 
just a bit *too* obvious not to have been done deliberately.

Duelling Club: we've talked about this before and discussed this 
subject to death, but the way Parseltongue is dealt with really makes 
me cringe. My apololgies to those who disagree. :-)

And now for a very lengthy cringe. This is really a plot cringe 
rather than anything the film did wrongly. It's also much more than a 
cringe, it actually makes me angry, and is one of the reasons I find 
the CoS the weakest of the four *books* to date. I find it 
incomprehensible that after the snake scene at the Duelling Club, 
Harry isn't immediately marched off to Dumbledore's office. On the 
one hand, he needs protection from being lynched by the rest of the 
pupils for possessing a rare (and perceived as evil) talent which he 
has just demonstrated in public. There's a definite reaction in the 
book, but it is far too understated; in the movie it is all but 
absent. On the other hand, possession of this talent requires 
investigation. Whilst Dumbledore may know more than he lets on, the 
two teachers present at the club are understandably dumbfounded and 
as far as they can tell, one pupil has just set a potentially 
dangerous animal on another. 

Absolutely no attempt is made by the teaching staff to establish that 
Harry did not mean harm to another pupil - bear in mind that Snape is 
more than inclined to think the worst of Harry at the best of times, 
yet he takes no action whatso-bloody-ever!

Why are there no Howlers from the parents of kids who no doubt 
immediately wrote home to tell of Potter's skill at controlling 
snakes and setting them on others? The atmosphere at Hogwarts is 
tense enough already, yet this huge development is simply overlooked.

I had REALLY, REALLY, hoped that the film would attempt to address 
this obvious problem, which it only manages to exacerbate. It would 
have been very easy to do: the sequence of events in both book and 
film is that Harry leaves the club and then finds Justin (and NHN), 
wheereupon he's summoned to Dumbledore's office. Why not reverse that 
sequence? Summon him to Dumbledore, and it's only later that Justin 
is attacked? No change in diaslogue would be required, except that 
Hermione & Ron's lines would be given to Dumbledore.

The whole sequence as it stands (both in the book and film) simply 
undermine the fact that Hogwarts *IS* a school, and the teachers 
really are in charge and have some kind of function. Giving 
Dumbledore something to do there wouldn't have to undermine the kids' 
central role in the story, but would do wonders for the completeness 
of the school setting.

And talking of the Dumbledore's office sequence (again, both a book 
and film gripe, which could have been dealt with by the above 
expedient), I wonder what the point was, beyond introducting Fawkes 
and Harry having a conversation with the Sorting Hat. Harry has been 
*summoned* to Dumbledore's office, yet Dumbledore appears surprised 
to see him there (besides, how did McGonagall know that Dumbledore 
knew that Justin and NHN had been petrified, and did he?). If they'd 
changed the sequence as I suggest above, the scene would have had a 
dramatic purpose, and their jovial chat about Fawkes would have made 
more sense, rather than following on from a petrification.

I see that this post is getting VERY long, so I'll break off here. 
I'll type up the remainder of my notes later on as a separate message 
(I'm about halfway through them, and about halfway through the film).