Wingeing Poms and Gushing Yanks

[dfrankis at dial.pipex.com]

Posted with much trpidation as the idea is to provide illumination, 
not make excuses.

Apologies to the 95% of the world's population who avoided being born 
into one of these two nations.

This is about expressing appreciation.  We Brits find it very hard to 
express anything positive to anyone to their face, and find it very 
difficult to deal with if somebody does it to us.  So, for example, I 
have had someone I worked for come and tell me in clipped tones, 
while avoiding my gaze, that what I have done has helped enormously, 
because he knows it is important for feedback to be given and 
appreciation to be expressed.  I have muttered `thank you', squirmed 
and changed the subject.

A few years ago, we had a retired Air Force officer work with us on 
one of our projects (British forces culture is noticeably different 
from UK civilian culture on praise and blame, at least in the Army 
and the RAF).  He did a lot of good work, and our customer nitpicked 
it (validly) to pieces.  He was quite upset, and my colleague on this 
work observed that he needed to learn that this is as good as it 
gets: if the client is complaining, it means he's paying attention 
and trying to get the whole thing into shape from his point of view; 
so you are succeeding.  You just don't get, for the most part, 
clients who brim over with admiration.  What you do get is clients 
who say nothing, either because they are hiding their disapproval, or 
because they aren't really engaging – in either case, a bad sign.

If you want a Harry Potter example, look at that last scene between 
Harry and Lupin: it is entirely credible to me.

On the other hand, I get the impression that expressing appreciation 
is routinely much more a part of American culture.  It's not just the 
Oscar ceremonies or the credits in books and CDs – I think it's much 
more inbuilt.

So, if I think that, say, Ebony has said something good, or that the 
FAQs are a wonderful resource representing a considerable sacrifice 
by the authors, I won't necessarily say so, except by arguing with 
Ebony and nitpicking the FAQs.

Sometimes I do, but quite often I think of it, and then pull the 
compliment, on the grounds that it sounds false, flattering and 
facile.  As American compliments sometimes do to British ears, though 
sincerely meant.

I was also going to expatiate on the idea that British humour is much 
more cynical and cutting than American (we are a more post-modernist 
society) but, on reflection, Matt Groening has closed the gap.

Thank you and have a nice day

Sincerely yours

David