[HPFGU-OTChatter] Arrgh - Why are weddings so stressfull ?

[Meredith Wilson]

Hi Michelle - I have to say I've been through a ton of weddings, including
my own and many of my close friends.  You said the right thing.  I think
people stress unnecessarily for weddings.  Now I don't know the whole story
really about what the guy said on the RSVP, but what you typed didn't seem
rude to me.  I think also people who haven't dealt much with weddings don't
realize the stress or how you have to know details like who's coming so you
can plan properly.  I think you were right that the bride will regret later
if her friend doesn't come (or rather she ends a long standing friendship)
over trying to interpret someone's tone/feeling from writing.  

I had a good friend just get married and she went through a ton of heartache
because she originally didn't invite someone (who she hadn't really talked
to in a while and wasn't great friends to start out with) but that person
had assumed she was invited, along with her whole family, and they had
invited a different friend as a guest of them.  Now, this different friend
lives in another state and buys a plane ticket to come to the wedding, only
to find out that none of them were invited in the first place.  Well, after
they were hurt and rude to the bride and groom, who tried to make good and
invite everyone before it got ugly, they ended up accepting the invite then
not showing up and everyone was annoyed.  The guy who bought the plane
ticket was a better friend to the couple and was invited separately, and he
came and had a fine time, but long story short, you can't worry about this
kind of crap for a wedding.  It's not worth the stress to be offended about
small stuff.  Now that whole family is somewhat cut off from all of our
friends over being offended about dumb stuff, and those of us on the fringe
of the situation feel awkward.  It's just too bad.  

Ok, I've rambled far more than anyone cared to read, I'm sure...

Mer

**-----Original Message-----
**From: Michelle Apostolides [mailto:michelleapostolides at lineone.net]
**Sent: Wednesday, August 15, 2001 3:06 PM
**To: HPChat
**Subject: [HPFGU-OTChatter] Arrgh - Why are weddings so stressfull ?
**
**
**OK, here is my situation.
**
**At University, I had two really close friends, one girl and 
**one boy. We
**all studied one subject the same but the girl did a different second
**subject from me and the boy. We spent a lot of time together and I
**always thought that the three of us would always be close.
**
**However as the years have gone by, me and the other girl are 
**as close as
**sisters ( I don't know what having as sister is like and neither does
**she but I think we're as near as dammit ) and we speak on the phone
**quite often and we see each other two or three times a year, sometimes
**less sometimes more. But we always know what's going on in each others
**lives and we are always there for each other.
**
**The boy on he other hand does not call either of us and only sends
**perfunctory Christmas and Birthday cards. I only know what he is up to
**because I call him once in a while - filling in my girlfriend
**afterwards.
**
**Now the girl is getting married to the most wonderful man who 
**I love as
**I love my family. However, the boy who we were friends with 
**has upset my
**girlfriend and fiancee to the point that they nearly 
**disinvited him. How
**so ? Because he wrote on the acceptance - only sent after he 
**got a call
**after he got a note with his birthday card asking him to confirm or
**decline his invite - Had there been an RSVP date (or something of that
**ilk) I would have let you know. Now, that is a very formal way of
**putting it - my friends felt that he was begrudgingly saying yes.
**
**I was concerned that if they disinvited him, it would be something my
**girlfriend would regret in later years, so I said think 
**carefully before
**you take such a step. Now I just got a call saying they 
**wouldn't do that
**for my sake. Now I feel like I stopped them doing something 
**they needed
**to do.
**
**I haven't spoken to my man friend in all of this but I feel 
**pretty cross
**with him for upsetting two people I love so much.  Has anyone 
**out there
**been in a similar position before ?
**
**I suppose that I should add that I'm a bit more involved because I'm
**going to be my friend's only adult bridesmaid on the day.
**
**Michelle
**
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