A small...moment of your time, please

[Saitaina]

To my friends-

As some of you may have noticed, I've...not been around recently, not
posting or in chat as much as usual.  I've been distant and away a great
deal of the time this past two months.  I have recently, as in the past five
minutes, come to terms with something I've been dreading for a while.

For an explanation I need to tell you something that...some of you may know,
but for you to understand I must tell it to you again.  Nearly 14 years ago
I was a small child, seven years old when I first discovered the demons that
were in my head.  No, I'm not exactly crazy, but I am mentally imbalanced.
Part of it is an inherited condition, both from my mother and my father, and
the other...is a disease I got all on my own, known as clinical depression,
(for those that do not know what this is, I think private email would be the
best to explain, so if you need to ask, contact me at
saitaina at wizzards.net).

For ten years I battled these demons, mostly losing, ending up in hospitals
and foster homes, and nearly in the grave in one case.  I spent ten, very
LONG years, trying to dig my way out of a hole that never had an opening.  I
discovered that while I would always be in that hole, I could gain ground
and stop it.  When I was 17 I found a way to live my life normally, to fight
depression and win.

Unfortunately, never getting out of the hole means that there is always a
chance I could find myself back at the bottom.  And today, I found myself
nearly there.  It's something that I never thought I would see again and
it's been hard for me to deal with. This is why I haven't been around as
much, haven't been a friend to you all I should have been...as a companion
and aquantince.  I'm sorry for this, so very sorry.  But right now, I need
to take time to heal myself.  To remember why the fight is worth it.

While this doesn't mean I'm leaving you...it does mean I'm going to be
absent for a lot longer then I expected.  I love you all dearly...you are
the one shining light in my life right now.  You are the beacon, to lead be
back to a path of normalcy.  And I thank you for being there and hope you
will remain.

I have come in the long time I have known you all to regard you as a family
I don't have, and as friends I desperately need, even though I barley know
any of you.  That is why I'm taking the time now to write this to you, as I
think that you deserve to know.  We may be but stranger passing through this
life, but you are a part of mine that I treasure.

Thank you for taking a brief moment to read this, even if you don't give me
a second thought in your day today, I know that for one brief moment, you
allowed me to speak.

Saitaina

P.S. On a slightly happy note, for those that read the works I write, you
will soon be seeing more of them as I find it healing to write.  So stay
alert for those.