A Tale of Two Toms: Bombadil puts the music into Friendship Isle!

[Tabouli]

Amy Z:
> Tabouli darling, take those lollipops out of your ears and listen 
properly.  On Friendship Isle, Snape has never had a romantic or 
lustful thought in his life and never will.  As for The Abominable 
Tom Bombadil, ok, he can come along as long as he's chaste.  And has 
laryngitis.<
>
>Amy (who imagines that if Tom tried a cheery song on Snape he'd have a De-
Cutesifying Potion poured in his wiggly little ears before he could 
say "Goldberry")<

Confronted with the sinister glare of Customs, Tabouli sidles meekly back to her LOLLIPOPS dinghy, where Tom Bombadil is waiting, and stashes her somewhat waxy confectionary under the oars.  As she does so, she is briefly distracted by a blurred Anglo-Danish figure plummeting by, plunging into the sea, and swimming furiously for the mainland, gurgling mysteriously about record collections.

Tabouli quietly explains the situation to Tom, who accepts it with his usual jovial spirits.  In cheery rhyming stanzas, he explains that he is now completely chaste (he and Goldberry the Gold-digger separated a few months ago due to irreconcilable differences relating to a murder charge - Gandalf caught her late at night clutching Tom's will and weaving willow branches around his neck): after all, he points out in twinkly fashion, he is a Tolkien character - could he be anything less?  As for laryngitis, viruses can touch Tom not, and potions cannot harm him; nonetheless, he agrees to communicate only by dance and flamboyant gesture, as he has pressing reasons of his own for coming to Friendship Isle.

In his recent period of unemployment (due to his inexplicable retrenchment from the LOTR film), Bombadil has been working on a musical entitled "A Tale of Two Toms", which brings to life the heretofore untold story of Voldemort's attempt to take over Middle Earth through song and modern dance.  Having heard rumours of Snape's penchant for sinister airs and theatrical speeches, Bombadil is hoping to audition him for the leading role of Voldemort, a challenging but rewarding part which culminates in a chase scene in the heart of the Old/Forbidden Forest (which are exclusively revealed to be as one) where Voldemort tap dances after Bombadil around Old Man Willow twirling a baton, lit with flashes of green strobe lighting...

Tabouli (Bombadil's defender and publicist)


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