Dating/Marriage

[Joanne Collins]

>Question to all: Did you know right away that you had met the "Person
>of Your Dreams"? How long before you knew?

I didn't know right away. I was seventeen and Carl was twenty-one, when we
met.

We became friends, and were just *there* in each other's lives for so long,
it was like he'd always been there. I had a bf at the time, and although I
was pretty sure it wasn't going to last forever. The next couple of years,
he dated women I rarely met and we talked about books and movies and things
like that when we were together. We did talk about becoming more at one
point, and he told me to talk to him about it when I was twenty-one (I was
eighteen at that stage).

My bf went to university, and as these things happen, met someone else. We
broke up amicably. At this point I moved out of my parents' house into a
flat with Carl. And we were just flatmates, with separate social lives and
circles of friends, though we overlapped a bit.

I somehow never did get the courage to ask him that question when I turned
twenty-one. A couple of years later, I still don't know how it happened,
the planets probably aligned in the right way, or it was when it was meant
to happen, we kissed. And that was all. Just one kiss, and it changed my
whole perspective on, well, everything. I knew then that he was the person
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We decided to wait, not to rush
into anything. I think he was still a bit iffy on the age difference,
though he never told me that. A few weeks later, he had a medical check-up.
The doctor told us that he had a brain tumour, and it was growing. It was
very difficult to know what to do. I wanted us to get married right away,
try to have a family. He wouldn't let me rush things like that. Looking
back, he was right, but I would have married him if he'd let me. We didn't
get the chance. He died eight years ago last January, and even now, I
wonder what he would have thought of a movie or a book (I'm sure he'd have
loved Harry Potter).

I do miss him constantly, but I'm not still in mourning, and I'm not
looking for the same relationship in someone else. What I want is a
relationship that makes me feel like I felt with him, but not the same. I
know that I can't recreate the relationship I had with him, but I know I
can find one that will be as fulfilling as that one was. And if I don't, it
wasn't meant to happen.

Joanne.

-- 

Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way. In twenty
years, if you're still livin' here, comin' over to my house to watch the
Patriots games, still workin' construction, I'll fuckin' kill you. That's
not a threat. Now, that's a fact. I'll fuckin' kill you. Chuckie (Ben
Affleck) Good Will Hunting