[HPFGU-OTChatter] Changing your looks

[Ebony Elizabeth Thomas]

No need for asbestos... ;-)

Amy wrote:

>I like to look pretty as much as the next person, and I admit to a
>weakness for clothes that is frankly a spiritual peril...

Me too, me too, me too!  I used to have a thing for shoes, too, but since I 
began teaching I've calmed down with that.  Can't wear three-inch heels and 
be on my feet all day.  ;-)

>But whenever I
>hear someone say "I did X (dyed my hair, got a nose job, bought a new
>wardrobe, wore makeup, etc.) for myself, not for anyone else," an
>inner voice says "Oh, really?"

LOL!  I used to say this all the time when I went through a minimalist phase 
in high school.  "I'm not trying to look cute for anyone," I'd say.  "As 
long as I'm clean and neat..."  But then *I* was dissatisfied with the 
person in the mirror.  I knew I didn't look my personal best.

I remember laughing while reading a Lucy Maud Montgomery book (can't 
remember which book this is in!) the time one of her protagonists, sitting 
in church, gave several parishioners a mental makeover.  I do this all the 
time now... mentally removing persons of certain body types out of Spandex 
and into clothes that are more flattering, doing different things with hair, 
applying makeup correctly.

I've never been as prissy as my mother and younger sisters, but I've always 
enjoyed dressing up.  There's not a whole lot I inherited from my mother as 
far as personality goes, but even being the kid with the third-most fashion 
sense was good enough to make me Designated Dorm Image Consultant in 
college.

Perhaps image *is* entirely for other people, but since I'm a people person 
and always have been, I don't mind much.

>Appearance is almost entirely for
>other people, and the pressure not to look a certain way comes from
>the fact that the people around you don't like that kind of look.  If
>people regularly told you you looked gorgeous without your changing a
>thing about your looks, would you feel the inclination to?

Well, if there weren't any other people in the world, I imagine we wouldn't 
do a lot of things we do for the benefit of others.  :-)  Like taking a 
shower or bath at least once a day, wearing deodorant and anti-perspirant 
(which is *really* a cultural norm--many of the world's people aren't as 
odor-conscious as we are in the US), or wearing makeup.

I wear makeup to work every day simply because I like to wear it.  Not a ton 
of it, either.  I was blessed to have a mom who modeled professionally, so 
yes, when I first began wearing makeup on special occasions in high school, 
you couldn't really tell that I was wearing any... but my face looked a lot 
different.  Day makeup should be very light and tasteful... evening makeup 
can be a bit more dramatic, but ought to complement both you and what you're 
wearing.  And makeup, like scent, should *never* call attention to itself... 
I've helped quite a number of my friends with this sort of thing.

I also make it a point to wear professional clothes that are both 
comfortable and stylish.  During my teacher training, it was impressed upon 
me that I was in a field that often isn't respected as a profession because 
its members aren't conscious of the image they project.  So I make it a 
point to dress appropriately and nicely.  (Yes, I work in a building with a 
heating/cooling system as horrible as that found in any inner-city school 
district site.  There is no A/C... today it was over ninety degrees.  But I 
still believe that I ought to set a good example for my students and dress 
appropriately.)

Another issue involved here is good hygiene.  Yes, there are people who are 
not looks-conscious who are also clean and neat.  However, there is 
something to be said for caring for your hair, skin, and nails not just to 
look good, but for health reasons.  (I'm starting to sound like my mother!  
Eek!)  Certain things are just plain good for your body--regular facials, 
manicures and pedicures, adhering to a regular skin-care regimen and the 
like.  Diet and nutrition are also very important.  So is regular exercise.

I concede that not everyone is going to look like a supermodel.  However, I 
do feel that anyone can look their personal best... and many, many people's 
personal best will render their looks "above average".

I know that people can be *extremely* vain about appearance issues.  But the 
opposite extreme--not caring at all--is equally disconcerting to me.

>Looks are such odd, arbitrary things.  Our self-esteem becomes
>dependent on the random cultural beliefs that surround us.  In my
>culture, unlike others in other times and places, fat is deemed ugly,
>so overweight people tend to feel lousy about their looks and
>themselves.  If I lived in a culture that thought red hair was ugly,
>I'd have a whole self-esteem challenge that I don't currently have to
>deal with.  Could I really say that dyeing my hair brown was a purely
>aesthetic, personal choice, when in =this= culture, which thinks my
>hair's a nice color the way it is, I have no desire whatsoever to dye
>it brown?


Hmm... I know what you mean.  :-)  Beauty in this culture doesn't look like 
me, either.  I've been told I'm tall (5'9" isn't that tall to me, but...) 
and I've been skinny all my life, but that's where my adherence to our 
cultural norms ends.  I have extremely sensitive skin that I've had to 
pamper all my life.  That skin is brown... not exactly the world's most 
fashionable color for women.  ;-)  I also was born with unruly masses of 
thick nappy hair (no, the term is no longer perceived as an insult) in a 
culture which still mostly believes that the crowning glory of most black 
women is pretty darn ugly.  Attitudes are changing quite a bit, but there's 
still a long way to go... hair is an entirely different post, though.  ;-)

Yet in one of my grad seminars last semester, we read a study (can't 
remember the details--will look them up if you want) in which it was shown 
that black American teenage girls have body self-images that are 
significantly more positive than their counterparts of other races.  I think 
that the 1960s Black Arts movement helped this... I'm sure if the survey was 
taken prior to the Civil Rights movement, the numbers would have been 
reversed... my grandmother and my mother both tell us that when they were 
growing up, calling someone "black" was a terrible insult.

Things have changed.  Never in my life have I felt that I was ugly, or 
wanted to change anything about my looks other than my hair (and that was 
only as a child, when my mother and other female relatives had to tug and 
pull in order to braid it--I was thinking about issues of pain rather than 
aesthetics!).

On most days I really like the way I look, and I like the compliments and 
glances I get when I step out of my door, too.  They don't make me or break 
me, but it's always nice to hear positive things about yourself, isn't it?

Disclaimer:  I am a Leo.  <vbg>

--Ebony

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Ebony AKA AngieJ
ebonyink at hotmail.com

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