What to do...

[Amber]

Erg. I don't know what to do right now. I don't know if I'm even going
to send this email but I need to talk to *someone* and there's no one
else...

I've had this...er...interesting relationship with a boy I know. We
were first friends and then he got it in his thick head that he liked
me more than as friends. So we went out once or twice and then I found
out that he had first been dating one of my friends but then got a date
with me and dumped her quick. She is a really fragile person
emotionally and he really hurt her. So, I said that while we could
still be friends, I didn't want to go out with him.

So a year goes by and we're still friends. Around wintertime, I get
really depressed for reasons that I won't disclose here. Desperate to
make myself feel better, I make the worst choice possible. I call him
up and say that I'd be interested to going out again. Apparently he's
been waiting for this and immediately takes me up on it.

Quite predictably, this doesn't solve any of my problems and
complicates matters. After only about two dates, I break it off again.
We remain the most tenuous of friends because of my stupidity.

Anyways, I graduate from college (he's still earning his degree) and I
move faaaar away. At some point, I send out an email to all my friends
telling them my new address and phone number. I include his email in
the list out of nostalgia and the fact that he was one of my good
friends once.

Well, I hadn't heard a thing from him at all until I got home from work
today. He called me and left a message on my answering machine. He
wants to talk and that is the absolute last thing I want to do. I still
feel badly about "leading him on" and have realized that I don't like
him any more than maybe as a friend. I'm terrified that he's going to
say something stupid like that he still likes me or for some reason
loves me. I don't want to have to tell him that there's no chance. And
even if he just wants to resume our friendship, I don't know if it's
possible.

Should I try and call him back? Should I avoid his phone calls? I want
so badly to ignore him but my sense of duty says that I *have* to talk
to him. I feel stuck in limbo and I *know* I won't be able to sleep
tonight. Advice? Somebody, anybody? If you'd like, you can email me
personally at reanna20 at yahoo.com. 

Terribly sorry for this email, but I need advice and don't have anyone
right now...

~Amber
(Who has ruined more relationships than of anyone else she knows and
can't be trusted to make a rational decision...)
   

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Just another crappy homepage...updated 6/12/2001

"DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH."
- N. Gaiman and T. Prachett, "Good Omens"

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