Tom Swifties ,,, question for Jim Flanagan about adverb useage

[Jim Flanagan]

> (point of order... does it HAVE  to be a legit adverb? I wanted 
> to use "clippingly" here but it is not a REAL adverb, even though 
> it would have been more appropriate) 

                       Ministry of Magic
                 Department of Magical Humour

Dear Ms. "Doreen":

Thank you for your inquiry of 10 March regarding the requirement for 
veracity in the adverbial component of canonical "Swifties."

Ahem. 

Tom Swifties are to be judged primarily by their humourosity 
quotient, which is calculated as follows:

- the intrinsic humourosity of the initial statement vis-à-vis the 
purported speaker (0 to 50 points)
                - plus -
- the prima facie appropriateness of the adverb to the statement (0 
to 50 points)
                - minus -
20 points if the adverb cannot be found in the OED, or
                - minus -
10 points if the adverb exists, but is inappropriate in the context 
of the quoted portion of the "Swiftie"
                - plus -
- humourousity of the adverb to the statement to the extent to which 
it is a "play on words" (100 points)
                - all of the above divided by -
- the number of seconds that the reader must think before grasping 
the intrinsic humourosity of the "Swiftie" in toto. [Note: For 
formal "Swiftie" evaluations, such as contests, a "canonical 
ensemble" judges is assembled, and the average response time is 
determined.]

A very highly rated "Swiftie" is the following (with all due humility 
on the part of the author):

     "Welcome to my humble stall," said Myrtle, commodiously.

In this case, the adverb "commodiously" is, in fact, a real word, and 
is highly appropriate in the context of the initial statement, 
since "commodiously" implies welcoming. The humourosity of the "play 
on words" component is high.  Finally, my 4-year old niece grasped 
the wordplay in less than 0.71 seconds, a very small divisor, 
resulting in an extremely high overall humourosity quotent.

I trust this explanation has met your needs.  Please do not hesitate 
to owl us in the event you have future questions.

                             Yours pseudonomynously,

                             Victor Appleton II
                             (for A.P.Lardbhottom, deceased)
                             Office of Canonical Swifties

Post Scriptum:

The following "Swifties" included in your submission obtained 
particularly high humourosity quotients:

> "You've forgotten the magic word, Dudley," Harry said pleasingly.
> 
> "Ah, 'Gadding with Ghouls!' said Gilderoy gayly. 
> 
> "What do you mean, a bit of whoever we're changing into?" Ron 
asked, choppily. ["Crabbily" might have scored higher]

> "But I'm a Gryffindor. The Sorting Hat wouldn't have put me here if 
I had Slytherin blood", Harry thought, sanguinarily.