Boggart with the Green Dress (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

Boggart In A Green Dress/Don't Enter, Dementor! (PoA, Chapter 7)

(To the tune of Devil in a Blue Dress & Good Golly, Miss Molly!)

Dedicated to Amanda Lewanski

(The Scene: The Staffroom. LUPIN is about to demonstrate the correct 
way to dispose of a boggart. He beckons to NEVILLE, who steps 
nervously forward.  As the song begins, the wardrobe door swings open 
to reveal the boggart in the form of SNAPE).

LUPIN
Fee, fee, fi, fi, fo-fo, fum
Watch the wardrobe now, here it comes
Boggarts assume the most fright'nin' shape
Neville sees it changin' to Severus Snape
But it won't look so slick to us
After we raise our wands and shout
.

LUPIN & NEVILLE
			         

"Riddikulus!"

(The BOGGART is suddenly draped in the robes of Grandmother 
Longbottom)

LUPIN, NEVILLE, & BOGGART
Boggart with the green dress, green dress, green dress,
Boggart with the green dress on

LUPIN & NEVILLE
Boggart with the green dress, green dress, green dress,
Grandma Boggart, get you gone!

(The Boggart successively assumes the form of a Mummy, a banshee, a 
rat, a disembodied hand, a silvery orb, etc., during the following, 
as each student steps forward to cast the Riddikulus spell upon it.)

LUPIN		
Force `em to a form that will make you snort
And all a boggart's terrors will be caught up short 
If the mummy's curse is your greatest fear 
Make it trip on its bandage and fall on its rear
Whether a banshee, or a rat
Jus' make it look comical, it's gone in nothing flat

LUPIN & STUDENTS
Boggart under great stress, great stress, great stress, 
Boggart under stress' a pawn
Boggart cannot impress, distress, possess
Boggart, better get you gone!

(HARRY withdraws from the group, with frightful images of Dementors 
in his mind)

HARRY 
Don't enter, Dementor!
Your hands are decayed
Don't enter, Dementor!
You make me afraid
Don't enter, Dementor!
I have no blockade
While you're glidin' and slidin'
Flat on the floor I'll be laid
`Twas an evil, evil moment in my early, early days
I hear my mama screamin' in a flash of green haze
Don't enter, Dementor!
You are too extreme
While you're floatin' and gloatin'
I can hear my mama scream

(The Boggart explodes at the end of the lesson. As the Gryffindor 
students exit the classroom, NEVILLE relives his rare triumph)

NEVILLE
Fee, fee, fi, fi, fo-fo, faim
We opened the door, there it came
With a fox-fur scarf and bag to match
In my grandma's gown with a vulture on her hat

STUDENTS (except HARRY)
Our lesson plan was meticulous
We knew to wave our wands and shout "Riddikulus!"
Boggart with the green dress, green dress, green dress,
Boggart with the green dress on
Boggart with the green dress, green dress, green dress,
Grandma Boggart, get you gone!


(Exit all)

 - CMC