Tabouli's gender studies manifesto continued

[David]

Tabouli wrote:
>I agree that the behaviour I described on the main list could be 
male or female, but is much closer to the female norm, and therefore 
much more common in women.  As for the weak/strong, 
confident/unconfident bit... in the Anglophone world, which sex is 
the one who is told to be big and brave and strong and (still) gets 
cast into the role of the sexual aggressor, the one who does the 
straightforward *asking* stuff?  

I agree with this, my point is it doesn't have to be this way.  IOW, 
women and men may conceal their true feelings because they rightly 
fear the consequences of revealing them (and those consequences are 
usually worse for women) - but it may not be essential to their 
nature (whatever that means).

> Times are changing, but the norms haven't shifted all that much.

OK
> 
>those who dislike what they see as silly female game-playing (like 
David, perhaps? says Tabouli cheekily, observing a certain disdain in 
his comment about wasting time on games of hide and seek...:D).

No, no, the disdain was my (perhaps wrong) getting inside Hermione's 
head.  My arguing in all this stems from the fact that I used to 
behave in the way you describe girls as doing - using concealment, 
hints and misdirection, in the hope of provoking an insight-providing 
reaction form the other person.  Thinking about it, it might be fair 
to describe me as intellectually confident and socially insecure 
(what does it mean to be personally insecure?).
> 
>My secret was very simple - they were intellectual men, who greatly 
appreciated a woman who was young and perky, seemingly confident, and 
an enthusiastic participant in intellectual discussions

Go Tabouli!  I'm sure you can do it again.

>One of the men actually told me that the reason why men felt 
comfortable discussing anything with me (including their musings on 
women) was because they didn't really see me as a woman (?) because I 
had such a "masculine" personality.

Now if ever I heard a comment from a man needing to be treated to 
exactly the same analysis of manipulativeness and indirection, that 
is it.  Come on, matey, what's your real agenda?

David