Movie - UK tabloid magazines do their worst

[Neil Ward]

Today, three of the UK's tabloid Sunday newspapers - the Sunday Mirror,
Sunday People and News of The World - included 'special' Harry Potter
magazines.

I bought the first of these, and I just *knew* it would be a rehash of
pictures lifted from elsewhere, coupled with articles trotting out all the
usual stuff.  The claimed 60 pages of Harry Potter treats was padded with
ads for unrelated things and a standard TV section.  There was also a page
featuring the absolute nadir of merchandising - an offer for exclusive Harry
Potter wall plates (Yes, I am aged 18 or over.  Oooh - stand aside!  Where's
my cheque book?) and an inane 'featured' horoscope for Harry Potter (great
things ahead for him).

When I got to the pages headed "Forty-four Frightful Facts You Never Knew
About The Movie," I wasn't expecting to be falling off my chair in surprise.
Frightful Fact #1 was that the American version of the movie will have a
different name.  Good heavens, I never knew that!   Whatever next?What
followed was mostly a mix of old news stories (Alan Cumming "is now set to
take the role of Gilderoy Lockhart"... er, ooops).  There were, however, a
few things I *hadn't* seen before (probably because I haven't read every
other magazine and 'rumours' web page, like their junior researcher had):

- Comedian Ronnie Corbett had been rumoured to be playing Flitwick (probably
because he's the only British man under 5ft tall that most British people
could name);

- Rupert Grint's family live in a barn (I'm not sure if this is an actual
barn, or just a way of referring to a big place, as he has six siblings)

- Christopher Columbus' daughter Eleanor plays "one of Hermione's friends"
(read "non-speaking girl pupil #47")

- The model of Hogwarts at Leavesden took 31 man-years to complete (how many
man-years does it take to change a lighbulb?)

-  The costumes worn by the ghosts "are made from the same shiny fabrics
used by fashion designer Issey Miyake"  (so *that's* this season's brilliant
special effect.  "For a mere 3,000 you can have the perfect Hallowe'en
costume for your pre-teen.  Here's how...").

Sorry.  I'm being cruel.  Just gagging to see the film, instead of leafing
through this guff.

Neil