Oppressing the overdog

[rainy_lilac at yahoo.com]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at y..., "Tabouli" <tabouli at u...> wrote:
> Sheryll:
She didn't say much, and wore sleeveless summer dresses which were 
short but not outrageously so (mid thigh-ish).  The reaction from the 
other women (all the students were women, mostly aged 30-50) in the 
course was quite disturbing.


Tabouli, you message struck quite a cord with me. I have had to deal 
with this kind of abuse a lot. It is really amazing how otherwise 
perfectly nice people will suddenly think it is okay to savage 
someone because of how they look. I have actually had people say 
straight to my face that because I look the way I do I have had the 
good breaks "all" my life, have "always" enjoyed favor and attention, 
and now they are going to "even the score" a bit. One really bright 
lady (who prided herself on being a feminist!) derided me by calling 
me "nothing but a pair of stiff tits". I even had a professor once 
shout at me in class "So Suzanne, have you always been so thin or are 
you anorexic?" The class thought it was really funny.

Yikes.

Okay. Not to make a big deal of it, but I worked as a model once. I 
am a pretty girl, my boobs are a B-cup and not especially big, and I 
was until a few years ago a steady size four. Can't help it, it is my 
genes. I eat like a horse, thank you, and was never anorexic. I never 
fussed about how I looked or even wore makeup (outside of modelling 
gigs, which by the way were WORK and not glamourous at all) until I 
was thirty. I am well rounded, bright, went to Smith College, and 
have published my work. No matter how well I have done academically 
or at work, though, I have been assumed a bimbo until I have proven 
otherwise.

I am not a born winner. I was not a cheerleader. I did not date until 
I was seventeen because I had no confidence at all growing up. I was 
the geeky nerdy kid who always had seven books in her bag and wore 
frumpy clothing. I thought it was funny when some guy told me I was 
pretty for the first time. I didn't believe him. I was fourteen and 
he was a junior professor at Syracuse U. He send me embarassing love 
letters for a year and used to followed me around on campus. Then he 
would write me more letters in which he claimed to know everyhwere I 
was going, etc. He always called me "Beatrice", which I was too young 
to realize was an allusion to Dante. Largely because of this very 
confusing and scary experience, I DON'T get any pleasure out of men 
who make a big deal about how I look. I associate it with people who 
care about nothing else, or who don't see me as being really human or 
having feelings or who think it is okay to act out their fantasies on 
me. Kinda like that lady who called me "nothing but a stiff pair of 
tits". I guess it didn't occur to her that I would be hurt by her 
words. 

It continued in college. Some guy saw my picture in an ad downtown 
and followed me around on campus trying to photograph me. When I did 
not respond favorably, he verbally assaulted me on the street hurling 
abuse about "bitches who think they are so big because they have tits 
and ass". (Geez, I didn't even have tits or ass at that time-- I was 
anorexic, remember?) He was finally arrested when he tried to pitch 
his tent on the lawn of my dormitory. I had to switch dorms on the 
advice of campus security. No, I did not feel flattered by the 
attention. I did not smile provocatively over my shoulder or slip on 
designer sunglasses as campus security moved me to another building. 
I was devastated, and thought that somehow it was all my fault. I 
resolved to work on being frumpier.

I have never ever felt at any advantage because of how I look. I have 
quite the opposite felt assaulted, hurt, used, and labelled regularly 
because of it. I can celebrate now because at least I am no longer 
the young waif type-- people really like to make you suffer if you 
commit that sin. Now I am an "aging beauty" as someone once referred 
to me in conversation. I had to laugh. I replied before walking 
away, "Yep, it's true. I am beautiful. And I am not born yesterday."

It is only now that I actually feel good about how I look.

I would love to know where people ever got the idea that it is okay 
to be rude and abusive to anybody for any reason?

My two knuts,

Suzanne