His Dark Narnian Messages

[grey_wolf_c]

Tabouli wrote:
> I should also add that "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing" is a particularly Anglophone philosophy.  In my workshops for international students, Western Europeans from all manner of non English speaking countries regularly shake their heads over this one.  An example I give is that of the friend who has just had a truly appalling haircut.  Do you (a) tell her what you really think, or (b) try to find something complimentary and reassuring to say, or (c) say nothing?  That English speakers tend to prefer (b) ((c) being problematic, as it implies that you can't find anything nice to say about the haircut, and is therefore an implied criticism) astonishes them.  That's so insincere!  they cry.  As a friend, your job is to tell her the truth!  
> As my just-married Swiss friend says, our schools emphasise the importance of having l'esprit critique!
> 
> Interesting.  Any thoughts from Grey Wolf and Katze and other Western European types on the list?
> 
> Tabouli.

Ok, you've addressed my by name, so I thought I should give you my 
feedback -even if it sounds somewhat strange. Here in my Western Europe 
country (c) is definetely *not* an option. We always speak about the 
things we notice. Keeping silent about something is understanded as a 
poor eyesight, not as anything else. Of course, most of the time you'll 
lead the situation by asking the opinion: How's my new haircut/
trousers/shoes/car/whatever? Those people that do not wish to offend 
normally use the famed "As long as you like it" phrase -which comes to 
mean that you don't like it but it's not you the one going around with 
horrible haircut, anyway.

Then again, I normally take (a) myself, and I've been known far and 
wide to be "too truthful" (by those willing to recognise truth for what 
it is) and "brusque". I don't pull the blows, and a question -except 
when in very touchy topics- will always get my opinion in the matter 
-as you've probably realised by reading my posts.

As a general rule, however, I've never noticed that "If you can't say 
anything good, don't say anything at all" is aplied in my country 
traditionally, although I have seen examples, and the fact that they 
look out of place makes me think it's an unusal way of facing a 
question.

Hope that helps,

Grey Wolf, who is NOT going to say what country he is from, so don't 
bother to ask. It is easy to deduce it from his posts, though.