Fw: Consumer Product Messages

[Amanda]

I have no idea where my friend got this, so I apologize if you've all seen
it already, but it provided a much-needed chuckle or two to me today, and so
I share.

--Amanda

----- Original Message -----
Subject: Consumer Product Messages


> In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
> stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
>
> On a Sears hairdryer:
> ....Do not use while sleeping.
> (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
>
> On a bag of Fritos:
> ...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
> (The shoplifter special?)
>
> On a bar of Dial soap:
> "Directions: Use like regular soap."
> (And that would be how???....)
>
> On some Swanson frozen dinners:
> "Serving suggestion: Defrost! ."
> (But, it's *just* a suggestion.)
>
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
> "Do not turn upside down."
> (Well...duh - a bit late, huh!)
>
> On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
> "Product will be hot after heating."
> (...And you thought????...)
>
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
> "Do not iron clothes on body."
> (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
>
> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
> "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
> (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
> could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
>
> On Nytol Sleep Aid:
> "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
> (And...I'm taking this because???....)
>
> On most brands of Christmas lights:
> "For indoor or outdoor use only."
> (As opposed to...what?)
>
> On a Japanese food processor:
> "Not to be used for the other use."
> (I gotta admit, I'm curious...)
>
> On Sainsbury's peanuts:
> "Warning: contains nuts."
> (Talk about a news flash.)
>
> On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
> "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
> (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>
> On a child's superman costume:
> "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
> (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
>
> On a Swedish chainsaw:
> "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
> (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
>
>