girly whinge post

[ssk7882]

Amy wrote:

> That would be because you're a WOMAN.  *fumes*  Honestly, haven't 
> these designers ever heard of hips?  They seem to expect us all to 
> be shaped like, well, men.  

<sigh>  I guess nobody's ever happy, huh?

I'm a woman, dammit, and I don't have hips.  What I've *got* is 
a big fat tummy and a big fat back.  You know that whole "waistline" 
concept?  That weird idea that there's supposed to be some sort of 
indentation at the waist?  Some strange concave contrivance where the 
waistband is supposed to go?  Well, I don't have one of those.  I go 
*out* there.  'Way out there.  You know that awful stereotype of the 
guy in the undershirt with the beer belly who sits in front of the 
tube all day?  Yeah, well, that's my body type.

What this means is that I've got the opposite of Cindy's problem.  If 
the waist fits, then there's all this extra...*stuff* bagging around 
down there.  And if the hips fit, then I'm looking back in dismay at 
the so-called "waistband," which is currently somewhere all the way 
behind my back because it won't even *make* it around my torso, and 
thinking dire thoughts about Barbie dolls, and corsets, and 
whalebone, and Scarlett O'Hara in the movie clutching her bedposts 
and gasping out "tighter...tighter..."

Nope.  There's just no winning, is there.

(Well...actually, for me, there's always the men's jeans option,
but that only works if you never have to "dress up."  If you're
expected ever to wear anything but jeans, then it doesn't work too 
well.  Fortunately, at this point in my life, the only time I'm ever 
called upon to get out of my slobby male drag is to attend other 
people's weddings.  And then I just resign myself to the Dowager 
look, because there's only one type of dress that doesn't assume 
either the existence of a waistline or the absence of a chest, and 
that's the Mumu.)

> Amy
> who would love to masquerade on line as a 5'8" chestnut beauty, 
> 38C-28-36, but would be laughing too hard to press Send

Well, Tabouli called me "leggy," so I've been wandering around with
a big smile on my face all day, entertaining myself by imagining all 
of you people sitting at home and scowling at the computer, just 
absolutely *hating* me for the grand super-model body you've been 
envisioning.  In fact, I was almost tempted to follow up with a "has 
anyone ever noticed how those awful clothing designers never provide
those of us with neither hips, bum, nor belly with *anything* decent 
to wear?" post...but decided against it, in the end.

<sigh>  Oh, well.  Being "leggy" was fun, while it lasted.


-- Elkins