Partner suitability (would be SHIP on main list)

[jenny_ravenclaw]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at y..., "davewitley" <dfrankiswork at n...> wrote:
 
> Perhaps I am pessimistic, but I think the best you can ever do is 
get someone who will be committed to you.  If you don't have that, 
things like an amenable character or intellectual compatibility are 
not worth very much.  If you do have it, then they might be nice, but 
my belief is that over time pretty well any two people who are 
partners will find things deeply rooted in their personalities that, 
when they come to light, will make them question very seriously 
whether their relationship is the biggest mistake they made in their 
lives.>

Why do you feel this way?  When I read what you wrote, it actually 
made me feel a bit sad.  I've seen relationships go sour (my parents 
divorced when I was a teen and my father went through another divorce 
about 6 years ago) and I do believe that there are many people out 
there who decide to marry and then to stay married for very wrong 
reasons.  However, I think relationships are more complicated that 
simply finding someone who will be committed to you.

Raul and I come from such different backgrounds, it is amazing we've 
found each other at all.  He's Puerto Rican and was raised by a mother 
who is a fanatic Jehovah's Witness and a father who still believes 
that working 70 hours a week is the best way to provide for his 
family, he grew up in the projects in the South Bronx with his parents 
and seven siblings, and except for him, none of his siblings are 
successful in any way.  I, on the other hand, am Jewish, grew up in 
the suburbs of Long Island with every privilege available to me.  Even 
though I have more sisters now, I was raised with one sister in a nice 
house where we each had our own bedrooms and separate bathrooms.  My 
sister, at 26, is very good and quite successful at what she does.  So 
how is it that Raul and I are together today?

With Raul, I feel that it has been more than committment that keeps us 
together.  We see many things the same way.  We are both outspoken and 
strong-minded.  We are both independent people who are willing to 
fight for the things we believe in, even if we are each fighting 
alone.  We can stay up all night talking about everything under the 
sun and then talk about completely different things all night the next 
night.  No one can make me laugh as hard as Raul can and there is no 
one I want around as much as I want him.  I'm not saying that we don't 
have problems or differences or that there are times when I fear our 
relationship may not last, but I don't dwell on those things.  It 
would be like dwelling on death.  

If, one day in the future, something about Raul will "come to light" 
that makes me question why I chose him at all, I'll also have to ask 
what was wrong with me that I never saw that side of him.  What was I 
refusing to see?  I know Raul's faults, and I take Raul with his 
faults.  If one or some of his faults becomes so glaring to me that I 
don't want to be with him any more, than so be it; that's a decision I 
may have to make.  But to regret all the years I've spent with him?  I 
can't do that.  I've learned from him, I've changed and I've grown - 
all from him.  Even if one day our breakup happens and I feel 
miserable, I'll be all the wiser from my experiences, and will be 
stronger and smarter for the next man who may come into my life.

--jenny from ravenclaw, who hopes that Raul and I never break up 
**********************