[HPFGU-OTChatter] Re: Gifted Children, stage parents, and leftover siblings

[Shaun Hately]

On 3 Jun 2002 at 9:31, Mary Jennings wrote:

> I'm curious about the *siblings* of gifted children.  How are they treated?  
> How do they cope?  Does your work cover this topic, Shaun?  I'd be very 
> interested to hear any opinions or personal experiences.  As I mentioned 
> earlier, I have a brother who excelled at high school through studying very 
> hard, and I was expected to live up to his level.  The thing is, in non-math 
> and non-science subjects I probably could have done as well as Paul, but I 
> chose to devote my spare time to other things as well, so the massive effort 
> wasn't there.  I was strong enough to resist the criticism from my parents 
> and did my own thing.  Paul was the spoiled one of us four kids anyway, so I 
> had no time for him.  But my situation just involved a somewhat gifted 
> student.  What is the situation like with, say, a pre-teen gifted athlete, 
> whose mother is with the gifted child at the skating rink or swimming pool 
> every morning and every evening?  What happens to the leftover siblings?

The work I do doesn't directly address this, but I know people whose work does and 
I've talked to them about it a lot.

First of all, most gifted kids have gifted siblings - if parents have one gifted child, 
there is a very good chance others will be gifted as well. It may not be in precisely 
the same areas, but generally there are gifts at work.

When there is an imbalance - either real or perceived - a lot depends on how the 
parents address it. Some do a good job of ensuring all their kids needs are met. 
Others don't.

I have a younger brother - he is definitely gifted, but he also had some fairly 
significant learning disabilities. My parents threw all their time and resources into 
him for around 5 years - they certainly didn't neglect me, but he needed extra help. 
Fortunately, his problems could be addressed to a great extent, and they were. 
Later on when the problems I was having because of my giftedness (he avoided 
many of those) came to a head, their attention went towards me - again, he wasn't 
neglected, and when he had needs they were met - but I needed more.

In our cases, the problems came to a head at different times - which made things 
easier on my parents... a little easier. But if need be, they would have put their 
hearts and souls into meeting everything we needed at the same time. I know this. 
Because my father never hesitated - working to meet my needs put him into his 
grave. He gave his life, my mother gave the man she loved.

I suppose, what I'm saying how it is handled relates to how the parents deal with it. 
Some deal with it well, and manage to meet all their kids needs. Some don't.

Yours Without Wax, Dreadnought
Shaun Hately |webpage: http://www.alphalink.com.au/~drednort/thelab.html
(ISTJ)       |email: drednort at alphalink.com.au | ICQ: 6898200
"You know the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in
common. They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They alter
the facts to fit the views. Which can be uncomfortable if you happen
to be one of the facts that need altering." The Doctor - Doctor Who:
The Face of Evil | Where am I: Frankston, Victoria, Australia