The Daily Prophet's latest news story

[usergoogol]

(Or maybe its something I'm making up on the spot. Who cares.)

Headline: J.K. Rowling isn't even trying.
Dateline: May 16th 2002
Placeline: Scotland
Nameline: Greg Tresso
Randomline: I like tacoes

JK ROWLING ISN'T EVEN TRYING!
New sources say J. K. Rowling enjoys torturing her muggle fans.
(Come to think of it, so do I.)
(Muggles are fun.)

----Joanne "JK" Rowling, the creator of the popular books about the 
Wizard World, "Harry Potter and the Whatever of Blank, which have 
had a surprisingly large market in the Muggle community, says that 
she's intentionally delaying the fifth book because it makes her 
feel big.

"Yeah, I'm not exactly rushing with the book," she said. "Ideally, I 
should take as much time as I can trying to make it the best book I 
can."

Obviously, this means that she's delaying it for her own sadistic 
pleasure. We here at the Daily Prophet have suspected for long that 
Rowling was pure evil ever since she needlessly attacked veteran 
reporter Rita Skeeter in her latest book, "...and the Goblet of 
Fire."

Frankly, we have long suspected that Rowling is a dark beast of some 
horrific breed. Perhaps she was bred by a mad wizard in order to 
wreak havok upon the good people at our fine newspaper. Perhaps she 
was raised by godless communistic nazis. Who can say?

But we here at the Daily Prophet just have to teach people a lesson. 
When you mess with the Prophet, you mess with... well, I don't need 
to finish. Watch out Rowling.

Of course, we try to maintain an unbiased opininon, so here is a 
counterarguement from a man who has been rumored to have improper 
relations with wild animals, David Hopoffguns.

"You're clearly crazy. Before book four, you loved her. But now that 
she has been a little against your stupid newspaper, you treat her 
like a Dementor!"

Of course, thats rediculous. Dementors have helped maintain order in 
the prisons of England. Rowling has never done anything for England.