Disheartened Newbie

[Cindy C.]

Hi,

I wanted to take a minute to reply to Kathy because she raises a 
number of good points. . . . 

Kathy:

> Although there seems to be a number of members who don't mind 
>reading posts about the same things and encourage us newbies to 
>post our thoughts, there are also a number of folks who do not seem 
>as welcoming of this sort of thing.  To even read the discussions 
>here on OT about that make me feel I should just keep my mouth 
>shut.  It's quite a slap in the face in a group where I've felt 
>very welcome until now.

Well, it *is* a slap in the face.  You're right.  When we express 
irritation with "newbies" in general, we are basically 
stereotyping.  Am I guilty of it?  <wince>  Probably, and if I 
offended our newer members, I do apologize.

To make it up to you, Kathy, I will cheerfully reveal that I joined 
before moderated status, and I am thankful for that.  I was such a 
*nightmare* new member that I think I'd never have been released 
from moderated status.  I broke every single rule in the book.  
Repeatedly.  I meant well, but just didn't have a clue.

For better or worse, some people are just more patient, kind and 
welcoming than others.  That's to be expected in a group of this 
size.  But the reason this group is so big is that most people are 
wonderful.  They'll find you eventually, I think.

> What I also read is that some folks only read posts from people 
>they know.  Well if that's the case, I should just pack it up and 
>call it a day, shouldn't I?--


Heck, no.

My own practice is that I choose to read posts based on a number of 
factors:  the author (we all do make friends and are interested in 
what the people we know best have to say), the subject, my time 
constraints, whether the post is formatted properly, and most 
importantly, a quick assessment of whether the post will make me 
laugh or teach me something.  That means there are new members I 
read from the moment they join, and older members I hardly ever 
read.  I think that's OK, so long as you, er, don't get much more 
specific than that in stating your personal preferences, if you know 
what I mean.

I think it helps to remember that we were all new members once, and 
we stuck around because someone, somewhere was kind to us and made 
us feel welcome.

Along those lines, I guess I'd just like to caution against sending 
people off-list messages taking them to task about list rules or 
anything else if you can help it.  That's why we have list 
administrators; that is their job, and they have systems in place to 
make sure no one gets duplicate rebukes about mistakes.

Instead, I find it far more rewarding to look for new members who 
*are* doing it right and have interesting things to say.  You 
shouldn't be at all shy about sending someone an off-list praising 
their post if you can't really reply on-list.  Most people are 
absolutely thrilled to receive praise, which makes them feel welcome 
to post more.  

Speaking for myself, I was nervous about how my posts would be 
received, and getting off-list praise really helped me want to stick 
around.  It is also how I made almost all of my close off-list 
friendships, and it is really nice to have those when you get a bit 
bored with the canon.  


> KathyK (hoping the feelings of unwelcomeness go away quickly and 
>that I don't sound too whiny)

Cindy -- who thinks you sound like someone who is very good at 
expressing her thoughts in a reasonable way and will like it here 
just fine