What do you do when people spout racist drivel?/comments;rather long

[dradamsapple <dradamsapple@yahoo.com>]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at yahoogroups.com, "heiditandy" <heidit at n...> 
wrote:
> In perfect synchronicity with the Main List discussion of the
> correlation between racist words and being evil, I found today's 
Carolyn
> Hax column in the Washington Post
> (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A26878-
2003Feb4.html) to
> be particularly interesting and somewhat on topic there, but I have 
a
> feeling it would fall off topic very quickly, so while I'll give the
> link there, I'm also putting it up for discussion here: 
> 
> Dear Carolyn: 
> Do you have any advice for how to handle situations in which people,
> whether it be relatives, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, service
> providers, whoever, make hateful comments or jokes that are
> anti-Semitic, anti-black, anti-gay, anti-Hispanic, you name it? I 
am way
> too old not to know how to handle these situations. I don't 
encourage
> the remarks in any way, but I don't condemn them either. I usually 
just
> stand there looking like an idiot and try to change the subject. 
> 
> Here's part of her answer:
> 
> When circumstances demand a sleek, non-humiliating reproach -- say, 
when
> the hateful egg-layer is your new client, out to dinner with you and
> your boss -- the two can be a formidable and eloquent 
pair. "[Pause.]
> Well. About those Mets." No huffs, no puffs, no conceivable doubt 
where
> you stand.
> 
> Nevertheless, I think the Vocal and Righteous Objection is almost
> universally seen as a virtue -- despite the fact that few of us ever
> manage to rip one off under pressure.
> ***********************************************************
> 
> So the question is, just how bad is it to take the subject-changing
> approach, versus the Vocal and Righteous Objection? And can that
> "badness level" change in different circumstances?
> 
> heidi

Oh, Heidi,
I think you've opened up a beaker of flesh-eating slugs . . .

I decided to pop in to give you a couple of thoughts; one point of 
view, is that of a loving daughter of a very bigoted, imigrant, much 
older, father.  
My father came to the US in the late 50's from Italy. He was well 
into his fourties when he came here, so was already set in his ways.
Here, he was discriminated against because of his ethnicity (sp?), 
his vocation (a tailor), and of course, his language.  He eventually  
became successful enough to open up his own business, pay for 
everything in cash (which, is something I can not do), and was sought 
after by some very prominent people in our community. (and no, did 
not recieve help from any family members, as he was too proud).
 
Yet, till the day he died, you could not have an intelligent 
discussion with him about anything remotely political.  His thoughts 
on being Black, Jewish or on Mussolini (he thought Mussolini was the 
greatest thing since sliced bread) were just abhorrable (again, 
spelling?).  You would think someone with his experiences would be a 
little more sympathetic, but no.  We would usually just let him 
ramble on.  It did get quite embarrassing, at times, if we were out 
somewhere, like at a wedding or such.
But he was my father, and I loved him very much, even though I didn't 
agree with him.  In this case, yes,  we would try to change the 
subject as much a  possible, and would try to inform others that we 
had an "Archie Bunker" in our midst.  I know that some of my friends 
were biting their tonges at  times, but I think they did it out of 
respect for me. Was I right in ignoring him?  I don't know.  But I 
knew it was an uphill battle every time I tried to talk, so that's 
how I handled it.

One other instance of *rude remarks* comes to mind when I worked for 
the Blood Donor program of a major hospital.  Some of the male donors 
(mind you, I  could count them on two fingers) would make remarks 
about the apparent sexual attractiveness of some of my fellow co-
workeres (female).  An obvious case of sexual harrassment?  I thought 
so.  I finally said something to my supervisor, who informed me that 
she would keep it in mind, but that this was a rather delicate 
subject as these people were here volunteering there time and their 
blood (literally).  What's a *good* employee to do?  This was back in 
the early 90's (before Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill), so sexual 
harrassement was not on every employers' priority list.
Again, maybe I'm  just a pacifist (or a wimp), but I chose to deal 
with these people by NOT dealing with them; finding something else to 
do that would not bring me in contact with them.  Was that the right 
thing, again ?  I don't know.  I applaud those of you that have the 
strength to maintain a "Vocal and Righteous objection", as I just 
don't have the guts too. 

I think we could go on forever with this topic, as it has been going 
on for centuries.
It'll be interesting to hear others' thoughts.

just my two knuts  . . .Anna . . .(who is predjudiced against 
anything that has mushrooms in it!  yeeuck!)