Parody of 2nd Harry potter movie

[Lynn]

Here's something that I got from another HP group that I
thought was really funny,but others might not have seen.
Enjoy!(I hope I'm posting this to the right group...)
-Lynn T
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Harry Potter and the Chanber of Secrets: The Readers Digest Edition

We find our hero Harry back in the evil house on Privet Drive 
waiting for school to begin again so he can get into trouble again, 
break a thousand school rules and win a thousand points because of 
it.

Uncle Vernon: You did something wrong again, you're never going back 
to school!

Harry: Yes I am

UV: No you're not

Harry: Yes I am

UV: No you're not, I'm locking you in your room

Harry: Well I don't really care because my friends are better than 
you and we have a flying car!

UV: NOOOOO

Harry: By loser!

Scene 2

*CRASH*

Ron: Harry how will we ever get to school when that psycho elf man 
that looks like the Russian president won't let us get to the train 
that we have to get to by running through a wall and amazingly no 
one notices?

Harry: I don't know we couldn't possibly send Hedwig the owl with a 
message that we can't get through

Ron: No of course not that would make too much sense. Wait I know, 
let's steal my dad's flying car that I'm not old enough to drive and 
fly it up in the air and hope no one will see that either.

Harry: Is there candy in the glove box?

Ron: Naturally

Harry: Lets go!

Scene 3

Harry: Oh no, it's that stupid guy from the cover of all our books 
pretending he knows how to figtht with that wand he can't even hang 
onto. I hope he and Snape kill each other.

Snape: Potter, I hate you because I hated your dad because he saved 
my life, which is why I tried to save your life last year and why I 
pick on you all the time because I hate you so much I saved you, 
come up here so that Malfoy can throw a big snake at you.

Malfoy: serpen-something-or-other

Harry: hiss hiss, slither slither please oh please run over to 
Justin but don't eat him okay

Snake: Who's Justin?

Harry: I don't know, he just appeared

Snake: whatever (*hiss hiss, I will get you*)

Hermione: Oh no Harry, you can talk to snakes and you're hearing 
voices no one else can hear and no one else understands snakes but 
you couldn't possibly be hearing a snake in the castle. This is bad, 
everyone will think you're attacking people!

Harry: but I'm not

Ron: Maybe you are

(Dun Dun Dun!)

Scene 4

Harry: Dumbledore, I know I was found with every victim and that I 
can talk to the giant snake that's freezing them all and that your 
bird just blew up while I was alone with it but I swear I didn't do 
it and I'd never lie to you.

Dumbledore: I know you didn't do it Harry, is there anything else 
you should tell me

Harry: (looks at the ground thinking of all the rules he's currently 
breaking) No sir

Dumbledore: and you never lie

Scene 5

Ron: why are we drinking this stuff again?

Hermione: So we can find out who's setting the giant monster on the 
students

Ron: but I thought Harry was doing it

Hermione: Oh yea, because the monsters a big...but wait I'm not 
suppose to know that yet because I'm the only one here smart enought 
to figure it out. I'm going to leave now and find out I'm right 
instead of telling you what I think it is so that when I get 
attacked you guys won't know anything.

Ron: Okay, go to the library since that's where you live. And here, 
you better take this mirror to defend yourself

Hermione: Since when does a mirror save you from a monster?

Ron: How should I know, you're the smart one

Scene 6

Harry: I know Ron, now that Hermione is frozen and didn't tell us 
everything lets go see the giant yucky man-eatting spiders and see 
what they can tell us before they eat us

Ron: I hate spiders but okay

Harry: I know, let's take Hagrid's whimpy dog to protect us

(*SCREAMS, BARKS, scurrying spider legs, clicking pincers, horn of a 
car)

Ron: Come to think of it I don't think following spiders was I good 
idea, good thing the flying car with a mind of it's own came and 
beat up the spiders for us.

Harry: Hey Ron, I just figured out that we've wasted this whole year 
trying to find the answers that were right there in the girls 
bathroom with us all along

Ron: we were in a girls bathroom! No wonder Percy yelled at us

Harry: That weird ghost in there that's in love with me must know 
all the answers

Ron: Why

Harry: I don't know, it just makes sense

Ron: Whatever

Scene 7: 

Ron: Harry, my little sister has been taken into the bottomless 
depths of the bathroom sinks where that Hobbit guy lost that evil 
ring

Harry: What?

Ron: never mind, we have to go catch that stupid teacher and make 
come with us

Harry: why? he's stupid, why don't we just let him leave?

Ron: I don't know

Harry: Whatever

Scene 7

Harry: Ron I fought the giant snake and even though I'm only 12 
years old I was able to slay him with a giant sword I pulled out of 
that old singing hat, guess what, your sister was the bad guy but 
she blames it all on a book

Ron: I told you books are bad

Harry: now lets go tell Dumbledore about all the rules we broke and 
collect our points and special awards

Ron: cool, maybe people will pay attention to me now

Harry: Probably not, you may have help save the world 2 years in a 
row but Percy got good grades so everyone will still love him more

Ron: figures

Harry: Hey that's Malfoys dad, the one who gave your sister that 
evil book that made her set the giant snake on the students, I know 
let's give it back to him

Ron: isn't that kind of dumb

Harry: it's okay, it's got a poisonous tooth stuck in it and my old 
sock wrapped around it, if it has any power left it's only the power 
to make you pass out if you breath in the fumes

Ron: why a sock

Harry: to free the elf guy that looks like that Russian dude that 
caused us so much trouble this year

Ron: if he caused us trouble why do we want to free him

Harry: becasue that's what heros do

Ron: whatever

Scene 8

Harry: Hooray, because I broke all the school rules again we win the 
House Cup again, and here comes Hagrid

Ron: Where was he

Harry: some prizon for wizards that's guarded by those guys that try 
to take that evil ring from that hobbit dude

Ron: I thought you said that was the wrong movie

Harry: It is but those guys are everywhere

Ron: Here comes Hermione, she's been unfrozen, Uh oh, what do I do? 
I love her but I don't know it yet

Hermione: Oh Harry (Gives him a huge bear hug) You did it even 
though I knew everything but didn't tell you (thinks "Oh Ron, I love 
you so much but I can't tell you because I can't read how in a book)

Ron: Don't worry I'll realize I love you later when you fall for 
that big tough famous Quidditch player

Harry: Oh yeah, Quidditch, my favorite sport, it's like basketball 
on broomsticks

Ron: What's basketball?

Harry: never mind

Ron: whatever

The end

Okay so that sucked, but I tried! LOL!
AJ

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