Bungay: The Daily Prophet's view

[David]

Bungled in Bungay

by our Special Correspondent Rita Skeeter

There were red faces all round at the Ministry of Magic this morning 
as an embarrassed Cornelius Fudge admitted that an operation to 
snatch a copy of the long awaited 'Harry Potter and the Order of the 
Phoenix' by Muggle author JK Rollings had gone badly wrong.

Apparently, an official from the Department of Muggle Affairs 
burgled a Muggle printers in Bungee in Suffolk, in order to fulfill 
a Ministry directive to ensure that 'nothing that would give us away 
to the Muggles' would be published.  As he was leaving with two 
copies on his broomstick, he collided with a 'gellytraph cable' (a 
kind of Muggle fireplace network) and lost one of them in a field, 
where it was found later that day by a Muggle, who will shortly lose 
his memory.

To make matters worse, the official then tried to sell the remaining 
copy to our Muggle so-called rival, The Sun, for a sum amounting to 
several thousand Galleons.  This copy has not yet come to light.  A 
Mr Mundungus Fletcher is being interviewed by officials from the 
Department of Magical Law Enforcement and an announcement is 
expected shortly.

Fudge added 'We really need to get hold of a copy, to see if we need 
to place an Unreadability Charm on all the published copies, to 
prevent Muggles from finding out about us.  It worked on Nancy 
Stouffer, after all.  However, I appeal to the wizarding public to 
remain calm, and not to take the law into their own hands.  I am 
placing a guard over Weasley's Wizard Wheezes as a precaution.'

Another ministry official, Arnold Weatherby, who wished to remain 
anonymous, said, off the record, 'I don't see the point of all this 
cloak and dagger stuff.  The Muggles, bless 'em, just think it's a 
story.  It's amazing what they can convince themselves without any 
help from us.  Why we should get involved, I don't know.'

However, a different view was taken by Mr Lucius Malfoy, a 
distinguished former governer of Hogwarts and a notable benefactor 
of charitable causes: 'This woman is a menace to us all.  If only 
the Ministry would lift their foolish restriction on Unforgivable 
Curses, we could solve this problem once and for all.'

A bystander was heard to say, 'Muggles!  Them!  Don' listen 
properly, do they?  Don' look properly either.  Never notice 
nuffink, they don't.'