Bungay latest - the Daily Prophet speaks!

[bluesqueak]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at yahoogroups.com, "David" <dfrankiswork at n...> 
wrote:
<Snip>
> anyone with any suitable conspiracy theories?  Pip?

:::Pip sticks her head up::: 

Did someone say the word 'conspiracy'?

*********************************************************************
Further revelations from the Daily Prophet

Burgled in Bungay; muggles found acting with MoM

By our special correspondent Rita Skeeter

Further shocking revelations have been discovered by your special 
correspondent. It now appears that the unnamed Ministry official who 
burgled a Muggle printers in Bungee in Suffolk, did not act alone.

Shockingly, it is alleged that he enlisted the help of Muggles to 
get the copies out of the printers.

"I didn't have any choice." he said. "That obsolete old dingbat 
Albus Dumbledore (hopefully the soon-to-be-former), headmaster of 
Hogwarts, placed an anti-Apparation charm on the building. I kept 
splinching myself whenever I tried to get inside."

When asked to account for this ridiculous protection of a muggle 
building, Dumbledore said to your reporter "I really don't see why 
the Ministry has any business with a story that the Muggles all 
believe is fictional. Would you like a cockroach cluster?"

In an amazing display of Ministry incompetence, the alleged 
accomplices tried to keep a copy for themselves, leading to the 
Ministry official flying off with only a part copy. In a further 
display of spectacular bungling, he then flew into a gellytraph [see 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPFGU-OTChatter/message/15105 ]

The official, who can now be revealed as Mr John Doe (of the famous 
Doe wizarding family), insists `I did not try to sell it to the Sun! 
Or the Mirror! Or even the Daily Mail! What would I want with a 50% 
split of £200 000! Even if the goblins at Gringotts did tell me they 
wouldn't ask any questions about where I got the money from!"

When asked to comment on this, a spokesgoblin for Gringotts 
replied "Keep your long nose out of here, Skeeter. Unless you want 
to discover what muggle flyspray can do."

Minister for Magic Cornelius Fudge, in an explanation that showed 
him completely incapable of handling a crisis by himself, commented:
"Why don't we all just stick our heads in the sand and hope that the 
problem goes away?"

A ministry official, Arnold Weatherby, remarked that Rolling's 
lawyers had already taken action under muggle law. "Luckily they 
haven't realised that `John Doe' is a famous magical name, bless 
them. Even if the Doe family do have a bit of a reputation."

A spokeswoman for the Doe family angrily remarked "This is typical 
of John. I told my husband not to call him that, but no, he said it 
was a traditional Doe name. Traditional, I said, then why haven't we 
used John or Jane for over 130 years! Because it's bad luck. Look at 
the problems our cousins in North America keep having. But no, he 
thought he knew best  
"

Famous contributor to charitable causes, Mr Lucius Malfoy 
remarked: "We have managed to convince Rolling's lawyers that `John 
Doe' is a legal fiction. I think it's best if you don't ask how."