Product Warnings Just Kill Me!

[pengolodh_sc]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter, "Melissa McCarthy" wrote:
> Which reminds me, on a plane trip a year ago, I was given a little
> package of Salted Peanuts with the label "WARNING: May contain
> peanuts."  May?!
> 
> Melissa, hoping one-liners are allowed on OTChatter

Well, technically speaking it is conceivable that an error in 
packaging could result in the package not containing peanuts - 
perhaps the company's legal advisors worried about a lawsuit from 
disappointed customers finding their package of peanuts empty?

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter, "martha" wrote:
[snip]

> A few years ago I came across a list of *stoopid* instructions
> in a magazine (can't for the life of me remember what magazine
> it was). A couple that I remember that made me laugh:

[snip]

That list has done the rounds on internet as well - here is one 
version of it:

On a Sear's hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(let me guess, the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how?? And, does that mean it's not really soap?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh?)

On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought.....????)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this 
medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we 
could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and ... I'm taking this because??...)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to... what? Outer Space?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(okay, now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(really? wow, talk about a newsflash.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh... fly another airline?)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God! Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? What I would 
give for the consumer feedback line recordings for this one!) 

On a blanket from Taiwan:
"NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO."
(Bugga! What am I gunna use now???)

On a helmet-mounted mirror used by American cyclists:
"REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU."
(No s**t Sherlock. Makes me worry about those who thought the truck 
was in front of them.)

On a Taiwanese shampoo:
"USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE."
(Huh? It won't heppen over night, but it will heppen.)

On the bottle-top of a British flavoured milk drink:
"AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT."
(Something about spilt milk? I dunno. Weird mob.)

In an American guide to setting up a new computer:
"TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM 
TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING."
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

On a packet of American Sunmaid raisins:
"WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL"
(I prefer milk myself.)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
"WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN."
(Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

On some frozen dinners:
"SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST."
(Wow! I thought it was meant to be crunchy!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
"FITS ONE HEAD."
(Unless you work in Marketing)

Paint Stripper Heat Gun:
"NOT TO BE USED AS A HAIRDRYER."
(But it's quicker as I can't dry my hair while sleeping! Michael 
Jackson & Pepsi ring any bells?)

Best regards
Christian Stubø