[HPFGU-OTChatter] What's Love Got To Do With It?

[Tammy Rizzo]

On 2 Oct 2003 at 17:47, Cindy C. wrote:

<snip anniversary dinner>

> Anyway, this latest anniversary got me thinking about two things.
> First, I started to wonder if I have the longest marriage of anyone on
> OTC (of those who are willing to admit to being married, anyway). <g>
> Surely I ought to be in contention for the title, don't you think? I
> mean, 13 years sure *feels* like a really long time. (And to be
> inclusive, let's consider "marriage" to include same-sex unions.) 

Well, my husband and I passed our 18 1/2 year mark about ten days ago, so I'm happy to 
report, you're not pushing the limit.  :)

> Second, I started to wonder if there is any common characteristic
> among those who are married for a long time. I know my own views of
> what makes a good partner have changed dramatically since I was a
> blushing bride. But I'm wondering what everyone else thinks about that
> -- what does love have to do with it? And what else is involved?

Well, for my part, I tell my husband out loud, every day, that I love him very much.  This serves 
two purposes, of course -- first, it tells him that I love him, very much.  It also reminds me that, 
each day, I *CHOOSE* to love him.  Loving someone is an act of will as much as it is a 
chemical reaction.  I know my husband's good points and his bad points, and I know that he 
loves me, and that he chooses, every day, to love me, AND that I still turn him on -- he calls 
me sexy all the time.  I love his hands, how they labor for my sake, and how they wander so 
softly over my skin, and all the other wonderful things he does with them.  Every day, I make a 
concious choice (not that there's any question, just that I choose to do this) to love HIM, the 
whole package, good and bad, 48-year-old man and 8-year-old boy that he still is (aren't they 
all?).  Choosing each day to love him helps me let go of several things other people might see 
as obstacles to their happiness with someone.  For me, though, these facets of my husband 
are not so much obstacles to MY happiness as they are obstacles to HIS happiness, and it is 
my job and my privilege, as his wife, friend, and partner, to help him overcome them in any way 
he will allow.

***
Tammy
tammy at mauswerks.net