Gift code (was Main List's: Why Ron Loves Hermione)

[Amy Z]

Cindy, in her Primer to Problematic Gift-Giving, wrote:

> There's giving an intimate gift in a non-intimate relationship.  
For
> instance, one doesn't give one's secretary intimate 
undergarments.

Well, one does, but one doesn't want one's spouse to find out.

> Then there's giving a non-intimate gift in an intimate 
relationship. 
> Like the husband who gives his wife a vacuum cleaner for her 
birthday.
>  For some reason, it is OK for the wife to give the husband 
power
> tools.  Double standard, that.

I think the presumption there is that power tools are toys for most 
men.  They are for hobbies, not for housework.  Giving a vacuum 
cleaner to a woman is like giving a case of motor oil to a man:  
"Yo, honey, time to clean this dump/change the oil."  Giving a 
table saw to a man, now *that's* saying:  "You go on down to the 
basement and putter.  I'll have dinner ready for you when you 
emerge."  The exception might be if he needs a table saw for his 
job.  

Like Heidi, I'd much rather have a book than perfume, but 
perfume is definitely the more romantic gift.  I just don't happen 
to wear it, so it's not a very successful gift.  Now, I *do* like 
jewelry, flowers, lingerie, bath stuff, and fancy chocolates, all of 
which go under the "intimate gifts" category, so that even though I 
actually would prefer a good book to any of them 9 times out of 
10, I'd be ticked off if my husband *never* made the romantic 
gesture of buying me any of the others.

Incidentally, although all of those do go under the "intimate gifts" 
category, they are almost all acceptable gifts to give someone 
one doesn't know well.  (Bath salts, for example, may seem to 
belong to an intimate milieu, but they are a perfectly acceptable 
thing for a child to give to his teacher for Christmas.)  Lingerie is 
the only exception.  I'd say the rule of thumb with clothing is that if 
it wouldn't be appropriate for you to see it on the person, then it's 
not appropriate for you to give it.  

With flowers, a mixed bouquet goes for almost any occasion and 
any relationship.  However, you need to have a special occasion 
for roses, unless the person is a family member, dear friend, or 
romantic entanglee.   A dozen roses to your secretary on her 20th 
anniversary of working for you, yes.  A dozen roses to your 
secretary on her birthday, no.  See above note on intimate 
undergarments.

Confused yet, Przemyslaw?

One thing's sure.  Giving a girl perfume in this culture (US) is a 
Sign either that you view her romantically or that you're such an 
idiot you don't even realize that perfume is a romantic gift.

Amy Z