[HPFGU-OTChatter] Re: How Far is too far?

[Saitaina]

Paula wrote:

<Don't want to step on any toes and I'm
certainly not a shrink? But, what kind
of phobia could keep one "basically alone"? Is
this really a phobia, or do you
just really prefer a private, quiet, and
focused life?>

Well, Paula, below is a list of phobia's I
have been diagnosed with at one point in time
since the age of thirteen...pick one.

But yes, they are phobias, not just a choice.
I honestly used to be the happy, bubbly,
rather hyperactive person you all know me as,
outside the computer.  But sadly that was
stripped away from me.

<Sounds to me that you're very lucky, being
able to spend time and
energy on something you really enjoy rather
than being forced to work...>

Oh I did have a job once...a job I loved more
then anything.  You see, I was an actress,
from a young age.  It was my passion, my gift.
I wanted nothing more then to stay on that
stage and bask in the glare of lights.  But as
you'll see from the list below, it's rather
hard to continue your dream, when you spend
every moment before stepping on that stage in
a fit of panic, struggling to keep from
screaming, vomiting, or just generally going
insane.

And before you say it, no it wasn't stage
fright (general stage fright, there's two
versions).  That I can deal with, that fuels
me.  I'm talking about mind numbing, vision
blinding, screaming terror across every nerve
ending of your body panic that can leave you
curled up in a ball in a dark corner rocking
back and forth while others watch you trying
to figure out how to get you to speak complete
sentences.

I've learned to deal with my problems in a way
that I can live my life (I managed to make it
to PoA in NYC which held close to 600 HP
fans), but most of the time, those are special
events.   I just can't deal with the stress
daily any more.

The Phobia's Doctors Claim I Have (there's a
list because no one's sure)
Crowded public places like markets-
Agoraphobia (This is probably wrong as I love
to shop, go to movies, ect)
Crowds or mobs- Enochlophobia, Demophobia or
Ochlophobia
Speaking in public- Glossophobia (This can
include any public such as a store or public
phone, both of which I have issues with)
Stage fright- Topophobia (The more severe
kind)
Stared at, being- Ophthalmophobia (This one
leaves you very paranoid, I have experienced
it)

I also have three other phobia's unrelated to
the main issue, one stemming from a rape, one
being a fear of spiders (that I've almost got
licked) and is rather sad but I have a phobia
of Ventriloquist's dummies.  Neither of these
three are disabling though so I deal with them
easier (I've also been working on them
longer).

Saitaina
****
And you," Harry said to Draco. "Let me define
the term rescue to you. It's not to come and
then having to be saved yourself."

http://www.livejournal.com/users/saitaina

"No, one day I'm going to look back on all
this and plow face-first into a tree because I
was looking the wrong bloody way. And I'll
still be having a better day than I am today."