WARPS- Braveheart, from the Order's perspective

[wormtails_a_water_goblet]

Well, here is the second post.  I took a few liberties, but I hope 
everyone remembers that this is just for fun. Enjoy!



(Battlefield at Hogwarts.  The Order of the Phoenix, with members of 
Dumbledore's Army, House elves, and professors, stand in the castle 
preparing for battle against Voldemort's supporters on the opposite 
side of the Grounds.)


Tonks: Well, what news?

Arthur: We're outnumbered, at least 3 to 1.

Tonks: How many idiots, then?

Arthur: 300, maybe more.

Tonks: 300 idiots?

Lupin: Well, that sounds promising.  We must try to negotiate with 
Dumbledore.

Tonks: Who's going to tell him he should keep on the robe?  Did he 
have the scarlet and gold robe on last time you saw him?

Arthur: Aye, he did.

Tonks: We can still negotiate then.

Harry: What are they talking about?

Hermione: I can't hear, but it doesn't look good.  The Order will 
negotiate.  If they do a deal, then we get back to classes.  And if 
not, we will be forced to watch.

Tonks: 300 idiots; he'll enjoy it too much.  We have no chance of 
talking him out of it.


(The heavy broomstick calvary of Voldemort's followers appear along 
the edge of the forbidden forest and everyone in the castle becomes 
worried.)


Ron: I didn't come here to fight so that we can keep Hogwarts;
Then I have to go back to classes.

Harry: Nor me.  I just came for the show.  But now that the time is 
upon us, I don't think I can watch.

Hermione: You two are hopeless.


(The two boys turn and start to leave the grounds and several other 
students join them.)


Lupin: (In desperation) Stop.  Do not flee.  Wait until

we've negotiated with him.  It will be worth it, I promise.


(Dumbledore and some Order members into the scene. Dumbledore's face 
and hands were painted scarlet and gold.  His robes were the same 
colors, but he wore very heavy, wool socks on his feet.  This was 
strange, because it was June.) 

Ron: Too much ancestral pride?

Hermione: Can't be.  The socks are grey.


(Dumbledore and the Order members walk up to the others.)


Lupin: The Headmaster says this must be a fashionable fight.  It's
drawn the finest people.

Tonks (To Dumbledore): Where is thy salute?

Dumbledore: For presenting yourselves on this battlefield, I give you
thanks.  Had you not shown up, you would have missed a great show.

Lupin: This is our army.  To join it you give homage, and become the 
life of the party.

Dumbledore: And if this is your army, why does it go (looking at 
Harry and Ron)?

Hermione: We don't want to watch what is about to happen.

Harry: Professor Dumbledore, must we see this?

Dumbledore: (With a twinkle in his eye) Just make sure you keep your 
eye on the enemy, and try not to look at me.

Harry: I thought we'd figured the occlumency thing out.

Dumbledore: Yes, we have.  I will signal the creatures of the 
forbidden forest, and if you watch carefully, you'll have a front row 
seat to the end of your foe, and bolts of lightning will come from my 
arse.  I am Dumbledore, and I see a whole army of my followers here 
in defiance of Voldemort (Ron cringes).  You have come to fight as my 
friends, and we will win this battle and save our loved ones.  What 
will you do with your love and humanity? Will you watch?

Hermione: Watch that? No, we will not, and we will be glad.

Dumbledore: Aye, watch and you'll see the end of Voldemort, look and 
you may enjoy your ignorance.  At least a while. And keeping your 
ignorance many years from now, would you want to trade all the days 
from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back 
here and see bolts of lightning fly out of my arse?!  Adservo meus 
nudus clunis, absens meus lanatus sockus! (Watch my naked buttocks, 
see my wooly socks!)

(The Order members whisper to themselves "Obviously, our negotiations 
were not effective.")