[HPFGU-OTChatter] Re: southern chatter

[Iggy McSnurd]

Iggy here:

Well, I've been living here in the South for just over 4 years now, and I've
learned a few things -

1:  Whenever someone says something that can be seen as a negative, and adds
"bless his/her/their/your heart," it's seen as being ok to say since it's a
sympathetic phrase.  (For example:  "Bless her heart, but she's so skinny
she could get a tan through a picket fence..." is seen as a sympathetic way
of saying that someone needs to eat more.  Whether or not it's actually
MEANT like that is another story sometimes.)  On the other hand, if someone
simply says "bless your/their/his/her heart" by itself without anythign else
being said... then something's wrong with you.  (This was in full effect
when I had to call the physician's referral service at the local hospital to
get referred to 5 different doctors for 5 different things.  By the third
referral, and the lady saying "Well bless your heart..." the first two
referrals, on the third one I laughed and beat her to it by saying "I know,
bless my heart."  The fun part was, one of the first doctors I asked for a
referral to was a cardiologist.  *grin*)

2:  I am a former English / Writing major, posessed of a large vocabulary
and being rather articulate due to extensive focal/acting/speech training
and my writing training.  But no matter how articulate you are, after less
than a year down here you WILL find yourself using a LOT of what I refer to
as "relaxed English."  This isn't the sloppy or ignorant mode of speaking
that most people think all Southerners have, rather it's the more relaxed
way of thinking about talking that says "if you can understand what I'm
saying, what's the problem with how I say it?"  This is where those lovely
southern words like "y'all" ("you all", but used both as a singular and a
plural), "howsyermominem" ("How's your mom and them", a polite way of asking
how the family is doing.), "d'jeetyet?" ("Did you eat yet?" Asking simply if
someone has eaten lately, and often used as an invitation to join the
speaker for a meal.), and "Yunt-to?" ("Do you want to?", a simple way of
asking someone if they would like to do something.) come from.
    You can be educated at Oxford University in England, majoring in
Literature and Writing, and within a year of being down here, you WILL start
to sound like a redneck.  (Although a strangely accented one.)

3:  If you are male don't know about hunting (any kind that will bag you
food or trophies... hunting mice in our house with a BB gun doesn't
qualify), river, pond, or creek fishing (You know... anything where you have
to wade in or us a bass boat), or cars and trucks (usually enough to repair
most basic problems and a couple of advanced ones)... then you will never be
considered a "good ol' boy", or even a Southerner.  You don't need to know
about all of them, just one will do.  Of course, if you are proficient in
all three, then you are akin' to a Southern version of God on Earth to other
Southern men.  Barring knowing anything about these three things, then a
couple of tours of duty in the military as a non-com of any sort will
suffice.  (Unfortunately, I only know about literature, computers,
psychology, philosophy, and comparative theology... but down here, I'm still
seen as ignorant.)

4:  Since I live in an apartment building that's right next to a cow pasture
on one side, and the dumpster for the complex on the other (both about 15
yards away on either side), we get swarms of flies in the house on occasion.
Out of boredom, patience, and an odd whim, I discovered that it IS possible
to vacuum flies off the windows with the hose attachment.  It helps, of
course, if you know a bit about how flies detect danger... and, of course,
it also helps if you're both bored and a little eccentric.

5:  If a Southerner calls you a Yankee, and you're not from one of the
"Union" states, they will listen to you explaining that you're not and
accept it... if you're convincing enough.  (I've had a few people say "Yew
shore do talk funni...Are yew a Yankee?" *sorry, that's the best thick
Southern drawl I can write.*  My reply was "No, I'm not a Yankee, I'm from
California, so I'm a Westerner.  We stayed out of the whole Civil War
thing." They usually said "Oh, ok." and backed off.  *grin*)

Of course, I also learned a LOT of Southern phrases, and even some
superstitions, over my time down here as well.

More to come later... possibly.

Iggy McSnurd