question on British funeral practices

[bluesqueak]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at yahoogroups.com, "Sternel" <starling823 at y...> 
wrote:

>I've encountered a big gap in my (admittedly  spotty) Brit-culture 
> knowledge.

> I was hoping the Brits on the list might explain how funerals 
work -- 
> I imagine they're rather similar to US customs, and the religious 
> aspect obviously is quite set, but what about wakes?  I realized I 
> have no idea if funeral homes are a big thing in the UK, or how  
> wakes are generally conducted.  (Well, other than the  
> stereotypical Irish type, and as this isn't for  
> Seamus... ::grin::) 

For a start, 'wake' is a term which would only be used by people of 
Irish descent. It's an Irish tradition, not an English, Welsh or 
Scottish one. The Dursley's wouldn't dream of holding a 'wake' for 
Uncle Vernon, for example, though they might well invite people back 
to Privet Drive for drinks and buffet food after the 
internment/cremation.

The way a British funeral generally takes place is:

Someone dies. This is generally considered essential, unless you are 
planning an insurance fraud. You'd call the doctor to certify death, 
then probably call the nice funeral director who handled Aunty Flo's 
funeral so tastefully. Alternatively, if it's a hospital death, the 
staff might recommend someone, or you'd stagger grief stricken into 
the funeral directors opposite the hospital.

The funeral director will then tactfully guide you to select the 
type of funeral, coffin, religious service etc. It does happen that 
a body will then lie in state in the funeral home, the way that I 
see in US TV series or films. Equally common is that the funeral 
director (often still called the 'undertaker') will do the coffining 
up, then deliver the coffin to the deceased's home. The coffin will 
lie there for a day or two, and people will visit the house to say 
goodbye.

If the deceased was a regular churchgoer, the relatives may choose 
to have the coffin placed in the relevant church instead. In that 
case the coffin will be placed in front of the communion rails, 
often with lit candles on tall floor candlesticks, one at each 
corner of the coffin. There will usually have been at least one 
Sunday between the death and the lying in church, so that the 
congregation can be informed, and those who knew the deceased can 
come and say a prayer for their soul.

The funeral itself might be in one or two parts. A one part funeral 
is held solely at the crematorium or graveyard (and people are 
cremated a *lot* in the UK. Many graveyards are standing room only). 
There will be a 'chapel' (NOT a church) if it's a municipal (town) 
graveyard or a crematorium. That's the most common type. If the 
deceased (or their relatives!) aren't religious at all, the funeral 
director will suggest some type of humanist service, to be held at 
the chapel. But a lot of Brits are 'weddings and funerals' 
Christians; they'll have a religious funeral service even if they 
barely went near a church in life.

A two part funeral will be held at the local church, followed by a 
trip to the nearest graveyard/crematorium where the actual committal 
takes place. As well as regular churchgoers, very popular people 
might have two part funerals - it's an easy way of arranging for a 
largish number of people to be able to attend the service, but only 
family and close friends go on to the committal.

If it's a smallish village, you might have a local graveyard 
surrounding the church which is still open. Many church graveyards 
are full, however. Expect a car journey to the graveyard afterwards 
if you want a funeral service in a church.

It's still popular in some areas to use a hearse pulled by black 
horses, especially if the deceased was the much loved matriarch of a 
very large family. If so, the sides of the hearse are glass so that 
you can see the coffin, and wreaths will probably spell out words 
like 'mum', 'gran'. Such wreaths will be carefully placed against 
the coffin, so that passers by can see them.

After the funeral, there will be a reception of some kind. This will 
be either held at a relative's house, and be for close family and 
friends, or at a large room in a pub, and be for everyone. The pub 
kind is usually more boisterous - the ones at home *sometimes* more 
genteel. For some reason, there always seem to be pork pies. Alcohol 
will be served.

Hope that's some help. Other people might have some other 
suggestions - there are a fair amount of regional and class 
variations in funeral customs here. But the above would sound fairly 
reasonable to most Brits (I think).

Pip!Squeak