Old poem

[Shaun Hately]

During the course of this week, going through some old papers, I 
found the following which I wrote for an English assignment when I 
was 14 years old (and I handed it up as well). Seeing I've quite 
often discussed my schooling on this and the main list, I thought 
I'd just give everybody a glimpse of the thoughts of Shaun Hately, 
aged 14. (And this teacher was one of the Snape like ones I mention 
- although in his case, I helped to make him that way, so I can't 
complain at all!)

*****

I didn't ask for it. This mind that seems to so repulse you.
It's not my fault I'm different in a way you cannot stand.
I cannot understand why a man like you could fear me.
But fear is what I see in you - it's either that or hate.

I can't think that you hate me - because I've seen the time 
you take
To help me when I've needed it in any other way.
Except when in your class room - and then you seem to feel 
that
You must destroy me utterly, to make me just the same.

I threaten you? I think so. But I really do not mean to.
I'm just a boy and you're a man with my mind in your grasp.
You could hold it and caress it, and help it grow and 
prosper
Or crush it into cubeness so it fits into the pile.

I know you are a poet, so I'm trying this to tell you,
Sir, I don't want special treatment, I just want my chance 
to shine.
I'm hating all the hiding that I'm finding I must go through
To make myself acceptable in this place I've found myself

You call yourself a teacher, well teach me, Sir, I beg you.
I am at your disposal, so please don't throw me out.
I can't see how it harms you, to teach the person I am
Instead of teaching me that who I am just doesn't count.

It seems I'm not the person you want to spend your time on
I know you entered teaching to try and make things fair
I think you feel that nobody should be allowed to do well
Unless it's everybody - but is it fair to make me wait?

You're not just sitting back, Sir, and letting me learn 
nothing
Instead you're leaving me to fall back from what I used to 
do
If you want to help the weak, then please I beg you help me
Because I'm just not strong enough to do this on my own.

I want to learn, so much, Sir, that I really truly taste it
Those things that lie on edges just beyond the things I know
But every day I sit down in your class room, I retreat from
The places I could go if you would just give me a chance.

I'm arrogant, perhaps, to think my crude verse might just 
move you
But there's nothing left for me unless I make you understand
I don't want to be this way - I just want to be normal
But I didn't get a choice and I cannot turn it off.

I don't claim to be special, I don't want any privilege
I just want to be shown that it's OK to be myself.
Let me learn what I am able, without feeling like it's 
wrong, Sir
I have never asked for anything, but I am begging you

I know you do not hate me, I hope I'm wrong about you
Being scared of me, or finding me repellant to your views
But I'm hurting as I write this, and I don't like pain at 
all, Sir
That's how much I need to say this - now it's really up to 
you.

*****



Yours Without Wax, Dreadnought
Shaun Hately | www.alphalink.com.au/~drednort/thelab.html
(ISTJ)       | drednort at alphalink.com.au | ICQ: 6898200 
"You know the very powerful and the very stupid have one
thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the 
facts. They alter the facts to fit the views. Which can be 
uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that 
need altering." The Doctor - Doctor Who: The Face of Evil
Where am I: Frankston, Victoria, Australia