[HPFGU-OTChatter] I've been subpoenaed for court today

[Mrs.) Lee Storm (God Is The Healing Force]

[Dina L. wrote]:
| From when I was a kid and my stepmom showing me my mom's alimony
| checks to her saying she'd rather see all of my dad's money burn than
| for my mom to get a penny--I was younger than fourteen and upset at
| hearing the anger, so over a decade later I still remember.  I never
| said any of this to my mom, but I always figured my worth was either
| calculated at how much of an expense I am or how much money I could
| make. {exasperated sigh}

[Lee]:
I can understand you not wanting to mention it to your mom as a  child, but,
IMO, methinks you should put all the cards on the table now, alone with her,
before the court date, and let her know in no uncertain terms how you feel.
Write it out if you think that will help keep coherency.  She may not
respond as you might wish/hope, but it will sure make you feel better!  Been
there, done that.

My relationship with my father was anything but wonderful, and I finally
wrote a very long letter to him detailing how I felt and that I wanted to
have some kind of relationship but needed his respect as an adult, etc.
Suffice it to say that I never did get response to the letter, things didn't
get better at all, but I did feel better for having done the writing.  I
felt that, at least, I had said all I wanted to say, and that was good for
me, personally.

[Dina continues]:
| Anyway, I'm willing to
| bet my dad's lawyer is dragging me into this because of the monetary
| assistance I do provide my mom from time to time.

[Lee]:
Tough question here...and if you would rather respond off list, please feel
free:
Do you provide assistance to your mom because she *really* needs it and has
*truly* no other alternative or because of the inner guilt that's been
foisted upon you by the constant haggle over money?  Do you provide
assistance because you *want* to or because you feel you need to pay
something back?  I'm not trying to offend, but these are serious questions
that, often, one is afraid to ask oneself.
|
[Dina]:
| Over two decades and setting a legal precedence along the way, they're
| still going on about money: my mom wants to keep the alimony and my
| dad doesn't want to pay her any.
|
| I tell ya... Parents can drive you bonkers.

[Lee]: :-)
Yes, they can, if you let them.  But their fight diesn't have to be yours.
You have the choice to divorce yourself from it, if you want, and, painful
as it might be, you may just have to increase your personal boundaries, my
friend.  It's not easy; there's gonna be hurt somewhere, but sometimes
that's just the way it's gotta be. <Sigh>

Hugs, and good luck!!

Lee :-)

Do not walk behind me,    | Lee Storm
I may not care to lead;   | N2FGC
Do not walk before me;    | n2fgc at arrl.net (or)
I may not care to follow; | n2fgc at optonline.net
Walk beside me, and be my friend.