Helping Muggle children ...Waking Albus Dumbledore

[justcarol67]

Kemper wrote:
>  
> JKR has given parents everywhere an opportunity to address Death
with their kids. There have been good suggestions made.  I would add
throwing a wake into the mix.  
>  
> At the wake everyone can draw, talk, write, about a man who's been
in some people's lives for a few years.  After every art display,
story, or reading, Albus can be toasted with quality rootbeer,
gingerale, or sparkling cider.  The art and writing can be displayed
in a small area in the house for some established period of time. (Too
long a time period is not moving past the grief, too little is not
validating the grief)  There can be a small ritual taking it down later.


Carol responds:
I think a wake or memorial service is a wonderful idea. (Note how much
better Harry copes with Dumbledore's death than with Sirius's just
because that service gives him and others a way of honoring Dumbledore
and acknowledging the death.) Don't forget music, preferable beautiful
music and lyrics which, like the Phoenix song, can transform grief
into poignant and powerful, sad and yet beautiful. "Our sweetest songs
are those that tell of saddest thought," as Shelley (the English
Romantic poet) said.

Another idea would be to point out Harry's reactions. At first, just
like them, he goes through denial and anger and grief. But at the
memorial service, he finds himself smiling, remembering Dumbledore's
eccentric sense of humor ("nitwit," "oddment," "blubber," "tweak"). He
feels, for the first time in the books, a "rush of affection" for
Neville and Luna (643-43). Dumbledore's death has helped him to see
others more clearly, to acknowledge their grief and their worth and to
 *like* them as he has never done before. The truth sweeps over him
that Dumbledore is gone and he remembers Dumbledore's words about
fighting, and fighting again, to keep evil at bay. He sees in his mind
the people who had cared about him and protected him and died, and he
realizes that he is alone. He cannot let anyone stand between him and
Voldemort. The he sees the phoenix shape fly joyfully into the blue
and the tomb close magically over Dumbledore's body. His friends are
crying, but he moves away from them, only to be confronted by Rufus
Scrimgeour, and he repeats Dumbledore's words, "He will only be gone
from the school when none her are loyal to him," and he smiles again.
And confronting Scrimgeour makes him realize that, even though
Dumbledore is dead, he, Harry, is still "Dumbledore's man through and
through." And then he discovers that he's not alone after all. Ron and
Hermione are still with him. There is still hope and joy; there is
still love in the world.

I've gone into too much detail as usual, but I think a careful reading
of the seemingly anticlimactic final chapter (with a caring adult
showing them what to look for) will provide comfort for children who
grieve for Dumbledore and fear for Harry. The book ends on a note of
hope, not a note of despair, and I think that's worth pointing out.

I wonder, though, whether those children will even want to read Book
7, even if they come to terms with Dumbledore's death. And I hope that
parents and teachers will read it before they give it to their
children, not to deny their children the privilege of reading it if
they want to, but to prepare themselves, and if necessary, warn the
children, if the book proves too grim. There will be more deaths, and
we adults are prepared for them, but what about the children? I don't
think Harry's going to die, but what if one of the deaths is Ron or
Hermione?

I wonder if JKR expected such a universal outpouring of grief and what
she's doing to help the children cope. I also wonder if the children
would have dealt better with Dumbledore's death if he had died of the
poison instead of being killed by Snape. (A lot of hate and anger is
going to be directed at Snape. If he turns out not to be ESE! will
they believe it?)

Does anyone think that JKR is doing her readers a service? WE don't
deal much with death in our society--only objectively reported stories
about strangers on the news or meaningless fictional deaths of
characters in TV programs (this week's murder victim whose case the
detectives will solve without any feelings for the dead person). When
someone we love dies, we're afraid to talk about it because others
don't know how to react to us. Now, at least, these children will have
many others who share their grief. And maybe, when someone they love
dies in real life, they'll be better able to handle it--and less
hesitant to talk about it.

Carol, with apologies for not reading all the posts in the thread
before composing this one