Lord Voldemort and the Evil Overlord list

[ereshkigal_doom]

The "Evil Overlord List" is one of those old internet things that 
always raises a smile on my face. I thought I'd have a bit of fun by 
going through it point by point to see how Lord Voldemort compares. 
Hey, I'm a geek, I love lists! Since the EO list is mostly SF 
themed, it doesn't always quite fit, but I've tried to keep more to 
the spirit than the letter.

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html


** Has already caused problems**

6.I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

Jan: Voldemort has a big problem with this.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you 
kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll 
say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then 
say "No."

Jan: ALL villains in Harry Potter have a big problem with this.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original 
uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-
offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman 
footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated 
and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

Jan: Death Eaters == KKK (at least in the movies)

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on 
the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the 
Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same 
applies to the object which is my one weakness.

Jan: The horcruxes. Sometimes Voldemort seems to follow this good 
advice (the diary was essentially in Lucius Malfoy's safe and would 
have remained undiscovered if Malfoy hadn't been an idiot), but the 
locket probably fell victim to this error.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my 
troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to 
neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue 
energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful 
of savages armed with spears and rocks.

Jan: I think both sides could benefit from a few conventional 
weapons. Even if guns would not work in magical fields, knives, 
swords or crossbows ought to. If Voldemort had cut Harry's throat in 
the graveyard, no amount of motherly love would have helped him 
there.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

Jan: Voldemort should pay careful attention to this one.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride 
at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my 
opposite number among his army.

Jan: Voldemort certainly looked like a big idiot after losing to 
Harry in the graveyard.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any 
who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used 
for target practice.

Jan: The battle at the ministry. 

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken 
alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is 
reasonably practical."

Jan: Sure, it looks bad that Voldemort cannot kill Harry on his own. 
But it looks even worse that Harry is still running around as a 
focal point for the good guys.



** Might well cause problems in the future **


1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass 
visors, not face-concealing ones.

Jan: It seems like the skull masks might actually serve the useful 
function of ensuring that treacherous Death Eaters can only rat out 
a certain proportion of the organisation at once. However, it could 
still allow the good guys a useful disguise if they need to sneak 
into Death Eater HQ at some point.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, 
monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable 
of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

Jan: Fawkes, Hedwig, Crookshanks ... etc. 

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all 
extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could 
prove to be a disadvantage.

Jan: Voldemort really needs to sort out his feelings of abandoment 
as a child.



** Further lists **



101. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who 
is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.

Jan: At least he tried.

104. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as 
members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear 
military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.

Jan: The Dark Mark seems to be invisible most of the time, but you 
would have thought that there might be a spell to reveal it.

155. If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any 
circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends.

Jan: It certainly motivates Harry.

201. All giant serpents acting as guardians in underground lakes 
will be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries. 

Jan: I think someone was reading Chamber of Secrets! Has this ever 
happened in any other stories?


Jan