To Hair Is Human, To Forgive Divine (AKA How Lex Saves on Shaving)

[Dina Lerret]

I've been reading some Clark/Lex fics off'n'on and been contemplating
a bit of waxing to take my mind off a major owwie for the past 2-3
weeks (would *love* stronger drugs and can't sleep now)--nothing like
focusing on pain elsewhere. {g}  And it struck me how envious I am of
Lex Luthor for not having to deal with hair.  I find myself preferring
Lex characterized as having no body hair, however, author
interpretation varies and I started wondering about the logistics.
After all, I've always had some fondness for the sciences.

Presumably, Lex was exposed to radiation/fallout from Krypton meteors
*before* puberty.  The onset of puberty brings on the 'plague theme'
(e.g. tufts of fur, zits, awkwardness, etc), as Eddie Izzard would
say, and this is triggered by the endocrine system/hormones,
especially the pituitary gland.  Obviously, Lex's gland kicked in or
he'd be very short and still resembling a teeny-bopper... or something
I've seen on Discovery Channel. {g}  However, the lack of hair would
say something 'abnormal' [for humans] happened.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000343.htm

Lex carries some similar symptoms to hypopituitarism (low blood
pressure may *partly* account for Lex wearing long sleeves in summer
and the 'pallour' some fics use) and radiation, head trauma, and an
"uncommon immune system" are only a few causes.  What intrigues me in
fanfic, at times, is how Lex can be almost completely hairless, except
for eyebrows, eyelashes and pubic hair?  I'd find it more probable Lex
would look like he has bad hair plugs/implants because of patchy
growth--offhand, Henry Jones has a Clark/Lex fic, "Infinite
Possibilities"(?), where Lex has a tuft of red hair on his head--and
prefers to remove it all versus looking like a bad example for Men's
Hair Club.  Case of nothing or patchiness, but speaking of implants,
that's one alternative fanfic writers bring to the table.  I've seen
fics where Lex's eyebrows and eyelashes are implanted and that makes
sense for both functionality and 'normalcy' aesthetics, so why not
pubic hair implants.

I remember there was a debate over how anime and some visual mediums
like Poser (computer software that makes 3D 'wax-like' figures) lacked
body hair on male characters and gave off the impression of
chan/underage sexual representation, especially problematic after some
Australian laws.  So, Lex missing this body hair might be interpreted
as him not reaching manhood... Err, though, that hasn't stopped him
from reaching for Clark's 'manhood'. ;-)  And by inclusion of pubic
hair, the writers are visually validating Lex has reached sexual
maturity.  Although, those of us who wax the ol' 'landing strip' down
below know hair growth there probably could survive a nuclear
holocaust with the sheer *stubbornness* of hair follicles.

But going back to hypopituitarism, this ailment also has some sexual
dysfunctions.  Hehe, maybe I can make a probable argument for
virgin!Lex, w00t! :-D  It could be a possibility Lex needs to be
hopped up on hormones to, well, 'get it up'.  Under feelings of
possible inadequacies (e.g. emasculate), it wouldn't be too
far-fetched for the stereotyping of expensive cars and megalomaniac
tendencies in Lex.

Dina