Harry Potter films recalled over "movie contamination"

[rklarreich]

Warner Brothers is issuing a voluntary recall of the first four films 
in the "Harry Potter" series, as a result of studies linking the 
movies to the disorder known as movie contamination.  The immensely 
popular movies had previously been approved by the Food and Drug 
Administration for over-the-counter distribution at stores and video 
rental outlets in DVD form.

"Consumers are advised to return their copy for a refund to the store 
where they bought it," said Warner Brothers spokesperson Ann 
Ackerman.  "If the shrink wrap is still on it, do not remove it."

Movie contamination disorder (MCD) is a cognitive disease that 
affects readers of books that have been adapted into movies, causing 
them to believe that lines and even entire scenes from the movie 
versions occur in the books.  The Harry Potter movies have been 
linked to several virulent outbreaks.  While many factors influence 
susceptibility to the disorder, experts say, people who are 
particular fans have been shown to be more prone both to contracting 
the disorder and to developing severe cases.

"If you've read the books a couple of times and checked out the movie 
versions when they were in theaters, then forgot all about them, you 
probably don't have anything to worry about," said Carl Blomstedt, a 
professor of neurology in private practice in Oakland, California, 
who has treated many patients suffering from MCD.  "Those at greatest 
risk are the ones who read the books over and over again, follow up 
on every bit of news about them, and join online discussion groups."  
Blomstedt noted that while rereading the books many times confers 
some immunity against the disorder, "these same people are the ones 
most likely to watch the movies repeatedly, and that is where the 
danger comes in."

No medication is recommended for treating MCD, which is usually 
curable by intensive home therapy, consisting of frequent and 
attentive rereadings of the books.

Some watchdog groups are asking why it took so long for Warner 
Brothers to acknowledge the problem.

"MCD has been documented on the internet since the first movie was 
released" in 2001, said Julie Grant, executive director of Hogwarts 
Booklist, a grassroots organization that has long been campaigning 
for the primacy of the Harry Potter books over their film 
adaptations.  "How many times do people have to post online about the 
scene in the book where Hagrid mistakes Dudley for Harry before we 
realize there's a problem?" she asked, referring to an incident in 
the film "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" that does not occur 
in the book.  "This is a clear case of the FDA putting special 
interests over public health."

Warner Brothers has been "working overtime" to ensure that "Harry 
Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," the fifth movie in the series, 
due for release in movie theaters in the United States on July 11, is 
free of contamination.  "We are confident that we have put together a 
safe and wholesome product that parents, children, and die-hard fans 
alike can enjoy without worry," said Ackerman.

This recall does not affect Harry Potter video games or memorabilia, 
none of which have been linked to MCD or other nervous disorders.

Roberta, who is sure it's not necessary to tell you that this is a 
spoof and that all names are made up but is doing it anyway just to 
make sure nobody tries to return their copies of the movies