Mensa

[susanmcgee48176]

In case you missed it, this is the Washington Post's Mensa 
Invitational
which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, 
alter
it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
definition.  The winners are:

1.  Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the 
subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until 
you
realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops 
bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little 
sign
of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of 
getting
laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the 
person who
doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really 
bad
vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it's a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day 
consuming
only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when 
they
come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after 
you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into 
your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in 
the
fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its 
yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for 
common
words.

And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.

3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing 
only a
nightgown.

7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has 
been run
over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by 
proctologists.

13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with 
Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies 
up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by 
Jewish
men