radical message about gender roles

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hocker of the Day: Boys Are People, Too
Posted by: Jill in Feminism, Gender, Sex 
A new study shows that most teenage boys view teenage girls as actual 
human beings, not simple sex toys:

The stereotype of the 16-year-old boy is that he has sex on the 
brain. But a fascinating new report suggests that boys are motivated 
more by love and a desire to form real relationships with the girls 
they date.

The report, published in this month's Journal of Adolescence, paints 
a far different picture of teen boys than the stereotype of 
testosterone-fueled youth. Psychology researchers from the State 
University of New York at Oswego surveyed 105 10th-grade boys whose 
average age was about 16. The boys, most of whom said they were 
heterosexual, were given surveys asking them to select various 
reasons why they asked girls out, dated and pursued physical 
relationships. Most of the boys had dating experience, and about 40 
percent were sexually active.

The boys were asked their reasons for dating and were allowed to mark 
more than one answer. Notably, being physically attracted to someone 
wasn't the primary motivation they gave for dating. More than 80 
percent of the boys noted "I really liked the person.'' Physical 
attraction and wanting to get to know someone better were the second 
most popular answers.

Among the boys who had been sexually active, physical desire and 
wanting to know what sex feels like were among the top three reasons 
they pursued sex. However, the boys were equally likely to say they 
pursued sex because they loved their partner. Interestingly, only 14 
percent said they sought sex because they wanted to lose their 
virginity, and 9 percent did so to fit in with friends.

The New York Times headline-writers, unfortunately, aren't quite as 
evolved as the 16-year-olds in the study — they titled the 
piece "Inside the Mind of the Boy Dating Your Daughter." Perhaps I'm 
being nitpicky, but this kind of language about dating always creeps 
me out. "The Boy" is an individual person who is encroaching on your 
property; the whole thing rubs me the wrong way. But that aside, the 
article is an interesting read, and I'm with this guy:

"Let's give boys more credit,'' said study author Andrew Smiler, an 
assistant professor of psychology at the university. "Although some 
of them are just looking for sex, most boys are looking for a 
relationship. The kids we know mostly aren't like this horrible 
stereotype. They are generally interested in dating and getting to 
know their partners.'' 

And this is another "thank feminism" moment. The idea that boys just 
want sex (and girls don't) is at its heart conservative and 
essentialist — and it's a stereotype that lays the groundwork for 
requirements of "femininity" that inevitably involve refusing sex 
until a big fat diamond enters the picture, and bartering virginity 
for financial and social security. It's not feminists who argue that 
boys are mindless animals only interested in sex; no, that argument 
comes from your anti-feminist social conservatives, who manage to 
inject it into abstinence-only sex education:

One curriculum teaches that men are sexually aggressive and lack deep 
emotions. In a chart of the top five women's and men's basic needs, 
the curriculum lists "sexual fulfillment" and "physical 
attractiveness" as two of the top five "needs" in the men's 
section. "Affection," "Conversation," "Honesty and Openness," 
and "Family Commitment" are listed only as women's needs.

The curriculum teaches: "A male is usually less discriminating about 
those to whom he is sexually attracted. . . . Women usually have 
greater intuitive awareness of how to develop a loving relationship."

The same curriculum tells participants: "While a man needs little or 
no preparation for sex, a woman often needs hours of emotional and 
mental preparation.

(Source: The Waxman Report on abstinence-only sex education). 

In the conservative heyday that never actually was, women had to 
trick those over-sexed, brutish men into marriage by withholding sex. 
Fathers had to "protect" their daughters from boys who might disgrace 
them. And women who gave it up too easily were shameful sluts, while 
the boys they did it with were just, well, boys. 

Now, boys are expected — and perhaps more importantly, allowed — to 
have feelings. That certainly isn't universal, and there's still a 
whole lot of poisonous rhetoric around masculinity, but feminism has 
created a slightly larger space for boys and men to be people instead 
of masculine charicatures. I think that's a good thing. The right-
wing Culture Warriors aren't so much on board. In the conservative 
Golden Age, men didn't have many choices. As the primary bread-
winners, they were forced into jobs that paid the bills and sustained 
their families; now that two-earner families are extremely common, 
men have more career opportunities and greater job flexibility. 
Further, marriage can be acceptably delayed until both partners are 
done with school and have their careers established, meaning that men 
don't have to take the first paying gig that comes along. Oh, and in 
those Golden '50s, one in four families lived in poverty. 

In her book How the Pro-Choice Movement Saved America, Cristina Page 
details the many ways that feminism has helped fathers. This passage 
in particular seems relevant:

Fathers' increased involvement starts at the very beginning of their 
children's lives: 90 percent of dads are present in the delivery room 
(compared to 10 percent in 1970). 
 Dads today are even more 
affectionate with their children: 60 percent hug their school-age 
kids every day, and 79 percent tell their children they love them 
several times a week. 


All of this seems to have created a revolution in how men see 
themselves. Seventy percent of dads feel they would be just as 
effective staying home and raising children as their wives. The 
Gallup organization found that one in four men would actually like to 
stay home and take care of the house and family. Spike TV, the TV 
network for men, surveyed 1,300 men and found that the number 
considering staying home is even higher; the poll found that 56 
percent of men would consider becoming stay-at-home dads. As the 
Spike TV pollsters explain, "This is the first generation of men to 
feel the full effect of women entering the workforce. As women have 
become partners in the workplace, men are now adjusting to a more 
equal status at home." And record numbers of men are choosing to stay 
at home too. Today, statistics show that roughly 2.5 million dads 
nationwide stay at home to be their children's primary caretaker. 

The unheralded result of women entering the workforce has been the 
rise of the real family man and the making of the more devoted 
father. It is to the point that hte vast majority of men today, 72 
percent, say they would sacrifice pay and job opportunities for more 
time with their families. Spike TV found that most men would choose 
attending their kids' sporting event over an important work 
obligation. The Spike TV pollsters explain, "There's been a paradigm 
shift. Men want involvement with kids. Even with infants, they get up 
at night. It was NEVER like this before. They're taking parenting 
seriously. New responsibilities with kids and in homes are enriching 
men's lives. They're excited by it, and proud."

Is it any shock that dads like these are raising sons who see women 
and girls as human beings instead of sex objects or servants? 

There is still lots of feminist work to be done with men and boys. 
Masculine stereotypes still do all kinds of harm to men and women and 
girls and boys alike, and there's a good argument to be made for the 
idea that men are much further behind women when it comes to 
embracing feminist ideals. But feminism has had some successes, and 
it's been good for all involved — this is just one example of that. 
There's still a long way to go, but hopefully studies like this will 
serve as reminders of who actually has the interests of human beings 
in mind, and who is solely dedicated to a dogma that doesn't fit into 
most peoples' realities or ideals.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February