Run-on sentences

[Carol]

[Lee]:
> <LOL> Probably teaching that short is good hails from the difficulty some people have with deciphering long sentences.  In my personal opinion, the champions of the long, convoluted sentence are those who specialize in "Legalese," a language that prides itself in brain-cramping complexity. :-)
> 
> Cheers,
> Lee :-)
>
Carol responds:

Not necessarily. I dearly love long, convoluted sentences but despise legalese because so many sentences are written in the passive voice or contain jargon. That's one reason why, unlike my sister, I would never have become a lawyer.

FWIW, long sentences are not necessarily wordy. In fact, subordination (the type of sentence combining that I've been discussing) is a great strategy for overcoming needless repetition. So is eliminating wordy phrases like "due to the fact that or "at this point in time." Even "make a decision" (or 'take a decision" if you were British) can be tightened to "decide." Sentence length isn't necessarily an indication of wordiness though it is, as you say, an indication of complexity. IMO, it's the diction (word choice) more than the sentence structure (with the exception of passive voice) that makes legalese mind-numbing.

BTW, I was looking for samples of legalese to quote and found this useful website (posted by a law professor!) on ways to "Eschew, Evade, and/or Eradicate Legalese":

http://www.law.ucla.edu/volokh/legalese.htm

And here's a brief sample of legalese from a subpoena:

"Any organization not a party to this suit that is subpoenaed for the taking of a deposition shall designate one or more officers, directors, or managing agents, or other persons who consent to testify on its behalf, and may set forth, for each person designated, the matters on which the person will testify."

I *think* this sentence means roughly, "If you are not a party to this court but are subpoenaed to testify under oath, you may designate one or more persons who consent to testify on your behalf and you may determine the matters on which each person will testify."

My version reduces the number of words from 53 to 42 (for example, I eliminated the list of persons who may testify ("officers, directors, or managing agents, or other persons") for you, but I also addressed the sentence to the person (or organization) that might be subpoenaed and omitted "deposition," substituting its definition (every time my sister tells me that she has to travel somewhere to tak a deposition, I have to wrack my brain to remember what a deposition is), and I eleiminated the reference to the subpoenaed person or organization as an "it."

Goddlefrood or Alla or anyone who's a lawyer, please let me know if I interpreted the passage correctly. Anyone else, lawyer or not, please feel free to take a shot at rendering the sentence into plain English!

Carol, who should send the link on evading legalese to her sister the lawyer and her nephew the soon-to-be law student