Legalese: (Was Run-on sentences)

[Carol]

> Ali:

> Rewrite:
> If one is subpoenaed for the purpose of taking a deposition but is not part of this suit, one can designate a party (or parties) to testify on one's behalf and may direct the matter that said party will testify on.
> 
> My sentence is shorter, to be sure, but it is also less precise.  

Carol responds:
Your version is better than the original, but it's still legalese. I vote for plain English. (I do understand the rationale behind legalese, but I don't agree with it, nor do all lawyers. Some are attempting to get contracts written in plain English (for example, apartment leases) so that ordinary people can understand them. (How many people skim contracts or don't read them at all because they're bored or confused by the writing and then sign them without fully understanding them? I plead guilty. I don't read most of the 1040 instructions, either. (The 1040 is the U.S. federal income tax form, for those of you living in other countries.)

Ali:
> I guess that depends on what's useful.  I'll just settle for teaching kids to write.  I happen to think most adults (especially business professionals - dear lord, especially business professionals) can do just fine with the Hemingway-esque writing, and I say this because what's taught in 4th grade is clearly not reinforced well-enough to last into adulthood with many adults I've met.  Despite being a younger and having to listen to adults about how kids aren't taught proper grammar and whatnot anymore, I am extremely appalled by the writing skills of my superiors, of my old clients who can direct a lab to make chemicals I can't fathom but can't put a pen to paper for the life of them, of my last few bosses who capitalized words with wild abandon and can't figure out where commas properly go.  I'll take Hemingway over nothing.

Carol responds:
I don't know that Hemingway is the answer, but I agree that many middle-aged and older people write badly, but in my experience, it's not the same problem that we see today with teenagers who rely on their computer's spell checks and never learned cursive writing or grammar at all. With people over, say, thirty-five, the problem is often trying too hard to sound formal or fancy. A lot of them pick up sociological jargon (maybe they've read too many self-help books)? You hear it on TV, too. Naturally, I can't think of a real example, but no doubt one will pop into my head the moment I hit "Send."

Ali: 
> Personally, I think everyone should have to go through class with my 12th grade English teacher.  She may have hated all passive sentences (okay, so it was an essay and I can understand her dislike there, but damn it, I love passive sentences in informal writing), overly long sentences, and all things that can give personality to an essay <snip>

Carol:
Wait. You love passive voice sentences in informal writing and think they give personality to writing? I think they rob writing of liveliness and precision. The ball was thrown. The game was won by the home team. Money was saved by installing better plumbing. Ugh. Can you give me an example of a good, lively, interesting passive voice sentence and explain why you prefer it to the active-voice version? I realize that passive voice is necessary in lab reports, but in fiction and history and biography, you generally need to emphsize the doer of the action. 

Ali:
> Blegh.  I can't stand Faulkner or Hemingway or any of those highly celebrated authors - I went through a "dead white guys" phase where I read Faulkner, Hemingway, Fitzgerald, etc. and found out that maybe I just hate American Lit (to be fair to American Lit, I also gave authors like Willa Cather a try before I came to this conclusion).  I merely admire Faulkner's talent with a sentence because I am fascinated when someone has such mastery over the English language that he can write such ridiculous sentences.  I cannot, however, be bothered to read Faulkner (Sound and the Fury was exceptionally not enjoyable).

Carol:
I don't like American lit much, either, with the exception of "Moby Dick" (despite the long, long sentences and pseudo-Shakesperean dialogye in some scenes) and "Huckleberry Finn." (And, yes, I'm aware of the oddness of that pairing!) Worst of all, I think, is Emerson (who wrote essays, not fiction, but nevertheless managed to bore me senseless--though I do vividly recall his "transparent eyeball" image). I much prefer British lit, both poetry and fiction.

Ali: 
> And you know, I probably would not have figure out that was not a Hemingway passage if you didn't tell me.  You used the name Nick, for one.  And then there's also the fact that, as you said, the man's writing has zero personality.  (I still count my time reading For Whom the Bell Tolls as one of the least useful of my life and am angry that I'll never get those hours back.)

Carol:
I did have a specific Hemingway story ("the Killers") in mind when I invented that passage, but I was parodying it without looking at the original. I don't remember what the two bad guys looked like, just the minimalist plot and the monotonous style.
 
> ~Ali, who's off to DC and is hoping everyone who's near a cherry blossom tree takes the time this weekend to celebrate the cherry blossom festival and the coming of spring

Carol:
Enjoy the cherry blossoms! I'm going to Flagstaff later this month with my mother and sister to celebrate my birthday. I expect to see a lot of fruit trees in bloom, along with early spring flowers like irises and daffodils. I love spring even though we don't really see it in all its glory in the desert--just some lupine along the roadside and the palo verde trees in bloom. With luck, we'll get some California poppies later in the month.

Carol, who didn't find any passive-voice sentences in Ali's post (other than the rewritten legalese) but may have accidentally snipped some