Legalese: (Was Run-on sentences)

[potioncat]

> Carol responding to Deb's post:
> 
> Your sentences are fine, and I understand your reasoning. I just want to know what the sentence I quoted *means* in plain English, which is why I asked for a translation. Can you find a compromise that a lawyer would approve of (precise and complete, covering all bases) but which is simultaneously clear to a layperson? 

Potioncat not Deb:
Who was the intended audience for the original sentence? (Was it really only a sentence?)

I was thinking that all of us have very specific areas of interest or training. Most of those areas come with their own vocabulary. Farmers, plumbers, nurses, lawyers, quilters, cooks, HPfGUers all use phrases or words that others wouldn't understand. A good cookbook would come with a glossary. At least it better, because I'm not sure if I'm simmering or boiling, dicing or chopping, and I haven't a clue at how to carmelize. Yet, the wording in a cookbook might depend whether if it was intended for lay people or for professional chefs. Might the same be true of a legal document?

While I speak medicalese with my fellow health care professionals, I also have to be able to communicate that information to the patient, but on a different level. The lay person doesn't need all my vocabulary or all the information--just the part he needs to make an informed decision.

So maybe what you need isn't a translation, but an explanation of the material. I'm trying to compare the medical profession to the legal profession. Beta blockers to Ace inhibitors--or is that apples to oranges. How a doctor might dictate the actual steps of an operation for the medical record are different and more detailed than how he would explain the same procedure to the patient.

Carol and I have commented off list about blown-up use of medical-talk. It can make for a boring, dry read if over done. I'm sure that's true of any jargon. Again, the intended audience should drive the wording being used.

In my very first year of nursing I had to ask a child to provide a urine specimen. I needed to speak in English, but was confined by my own prim up-bringing.

She clearly did not understand my first effort, "I need you to give me a urine specimen in this container." 

"Please go into the bathroom and make water in this container" seemed to work better. You guessed it, she came back with the specimen bottle filled with water.

At this point her parent stepped in and said, "Go pee in the cup."

Potioncat, who had to learn an awful lot.