When does a kid become a grownup?

Steve bboyminn at yahoo.com
Sat Mar 26 19:34:43 UTC 2011



--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at yahoogroups.com, "justcarol67" <justcarol67 at ...> wrote:
>
> ... Does anyone have an opinion on when a kid should officially become a grown-up? The age of majority used to be 21 ... Now it's 18 for most privileges (except alcohol and tobacco). In the WW, it's 17 ...
> 
> Carol, just curious about what others think
>

Steve:

I'm reminded of a couple of anecdotes. 

1.) A grandmother is sitting around having coffee with here grown children, and the parents are talking about their kids and the Terrible Twos and the Fearsome Fours. After listening for a while, the grandmother pipe is with "Oh God, just wait until your kids turn 40!". 

2.)A young man is walking down the street and runs into an old acquaintance of the family. The older man stops and says, "You're Fred Johnson's son Bill ... right?" They shake hands and exchange pleasantries. 

Then a couple years later, the meet again, and the older man say, "You're Bill Johnson, Fred's son ... right?". 

In the first encounter, the young man is defined by his family, in the second encounter, the family is defined by the young man. In the second scenario, the young man has truly become a man; at least in the eyes of the world. Or, at least in the eye of this one family acquaintance.

Next, the world is changing. I remember reading recently about the Neanderthal Diet. That is a real modern diet that operates under the principle that ancient man ate food more closely consistent with his biological design, and by extension, that is how people should eat today. Mostly meats, fruits, and vegetables, but no grains. In short, we should eat a hunter/gatherer diet.

Just one flaw in this idea, the typical Neanderthal would be luck to live to the age of 30. That meant by age 15 he was middle age. The purpose of childhood was to survive. The purpose of the teen years, we to survive and procreate. Then to live just long enough that your children could reach the age to procreate. 

If there was an 'adolescence', it lasted, at best, a year. Though that is even unlikely. As soon as you were able, you had to help the family unit survive in every way that you were able. 

Even in the Middle Ages, the average age was about 30 or 40. So again, Romeo and Juliet were not love struck teenagers, they were adults with full social and procreative responsibilities. Their biological job was to procreate before they died, which could come very quickly given the level of sanitation and medical care. 

The only advantage Romeo and Juliet had was that they were rich, and that give them a degree of luxury and time to briefly wallow in adolescence angst. But other poorer people at there age had been living adult lives as a matter of survival for years. 

The point - to some extent the world frames your life. In the ancient and less modern world, there was no luxury of modern adolescence. As soon as you were able, you had to find ways to survive, like a job. I would not be uncommon to start work as 10 or 12. Next, was the biological imperative to procreate while you still had time on this earth. 

Contrast that to modern life. Today, we have life spans easily into our 70's. By the time we reach our middle age, most ancient, and not so ancient, people would have been long dead. And that further means that kids today have the luxury of a adolescence that stretches for a decade or more. 

And that truly is a luxury. They are more than capable of working, they are more than capable of having responsibility thrust upon them, and they are certainly more than capable of procreating. 

Further, the modern luxury of sex without procreation has been delayed by the advent of an assortment of modern birth control. A luxury not afforded to previous generations, or at least, not to the current degree. 

Even in the American industrial revolution (late 1800's, early 1900's) it was not uncommon for kid as young as 10 to be working in industrial environments. Even today, in Asia, very young kids are sewing your cloths and making your shoes. 

So, modern kids have the true luxury of extending that period in life when they can be stupid, impulsive, impetuous, unkind, unthinking, inconsiderate, loud, and obnoxious. 

Yet, they grow very quickly and responsible when we thrust them into war. When they are forced, they can grow up, and set the luxury of adolescence aside. 

But when not force, they milk it for all it is worth. The run wild and raise hell and get into trouble because society allows them that luxury. So, in my opinion, circumstances very much determine when a person is willing and able to take on the responsibilities of adulthood. 

I remember when the drinking age was lowered to 18, then quickly raised to 19. I was well beyond 21, but I did go out to the bars and clubs, and the presence of these young people seemed to make no difference that I could observe. No one got any drunker, there were no more fights, there presence or absents didn't seem to matter, the crowd acted the same. 

When they were planning to repeal that law, and raise the age back to 21, I was against it, but I didn't see anyone under 21 fighting the new law or protesting it. I thought, if they aren't willing to fight for their rights, why should I? 

However, I will also add that the worst drinking behavior I ever saw did not occur in a bar, it occurred at private parties. That is where people get into drinking games, and binge drinking. That is where behavior is unrestrained. They like to do what I call "Chasing Death". To see how close to death they can come without crossing the line. Sadly, on college campuses across the country, too many kids play TAG with death and lose. 

So, the answer is, kids grow up when we demand that the grow up. And if we don't demand it, then they don't do it. Good parent spend there own and their kids lifetimes, demanding that in small ways, that their kids behave responsibly, while at the same time not stifling their ability to explore and play. When their kids grow up, they are grown up. 

However, parents that raise their kids on assumptions or presumptions, or on auto-pilot, and let them run unfettered, have kids that never really grow up, and never really accept the social and biological responsibilities that are demanded of them. 

So, in short, kids grow up when we demand that they grow up. They grow up when grown up responsibilities are forced on them ... or at least, we hope they do. 

Just a few thoughts.

Steve/bboyminn






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