When does a kid become a grownup?

[Steve]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at yahoogroups.com, "justcarol67" <justcarol67 at ...> wrote:
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> Carol responds:
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> Let me put it another way, then. Theory and legal aspects aside, are the young people you (plural) know (personally and well) mature enough to face the responsibilities (voting, taxes, earning a living, etc.) that our society thrusts upon them? If so, should we credit the parents or the schools? If not, is the problem prolonged adolescence, poor parenting, the school system, video games, or what? ...
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> Carol, worried for the future of the country if things don't change soon
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Steve:

Well you must know you are asking the unanswerable question. For every real and true response, there are a long list of exceptions.

In the end, it is as simple as this -

If they must, they will ... or not. 

Credit and blame fall on both the parent and school, and very much on the child. 

The best teachers in the world can't teach a student who refuses to learn. And the best teachers in the world can't override bad influences at home. Conversely, the best parents in the world, can't make up for a bad school filled with bad teachers and administrators. And, yes, I do include administrators in this. If it frequently their policies more than the quality of teacher that restricts the learning environment. 

To learn -

- Teachers must teach. But they are not baby sitters, and they need some authority to enforce discipline in the classroom. 

- But Students have an obligation to learn, and a need to understand that obligation.

- Administrators can't put road blocks to creative teaching just to over their butts.
 
- Parents have to take an active role. A parents goal is not to be a buddy to their kids. In a sense, like it or not, they have to be the bad guy. They have to set boundaries, they have to enforce discipline, they have to instill values, and they have to demand excellence. 

One of my grips is that parents seem afraid to talk to their kids. So, they just go through life on autopilot assuming their kids are absorbing values by osmosis. Parents need to draw a line in the sand, to say this is the limit of this type of behavior. If you never say it, then kids just make up their own rules. True, just because you draw the line doesn't mean you kids will toe it, but at least they know where the line is.

All the problems I see with kids are because those kids have been cast adrift to fend for themselves in the world. No framework to understand life, or relationship, or drugs, or alcohols, or the demands of the future. 

Your kids are teaching your kids to drink, when it should really be the parent who established a reasonable framework for an activity the every kid is going to have to face. If kids teach kids, then kids learn dangerous irresponsible behavior. If competent adults teach kids, then whether the follow or not, are least they have a logical framework to guide them. 

In the end, for good or bad, at some point, kids have to find their way in the world and truly fend for themselves. How well this works hinges greatly on the framework and foundation they have laid, or that has been laid for them. 

If you build your life on a crappy foundation, then you can expect to have a crappy life. Simple as that. 

Steve/bboyminn