Sports Illustrated (text)

[sarvalsha]

Original Yahoo! HPFG Header:
No: HPFGUIDX C7127
From: sarvalsha
Subject: Re: Sports Illustrated (text)
Reply To: [Yahoo! #7104] Re: Sports Illustrated
Date: 8/17/00 8:54 pm  (ET)

Here is the text of the SI column.

What If?

What if Quidditch, the enchanted sport of wizards and witches featured
in the Harry Potter books, were regulated by the NCAA?

(On NCAA letterhead)

TO: Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and
Wizardry

FROM: Committee on Infractions, National Collegiate Athletic Association

RE: Possible violations of NCAA regulations by student-athlete Harry
Potter and others

Sir: We have come into possession of several documents detailing
potentially serious rules infractions within your Quidditch program.

I. Impermissible Recruiting Activity; Use of Ineligible Student-Athlete
Student-athlete Harry Potter was recruited in his first year at
Hogwarts, in direct violation of the NCAA's ban on Quidditch freshman
eligibility. One professor admits going to you to 'see if we can't bend
the first-year rule. Heaven knows we need a better team than last year.'

II. Improper Benefits
Student-athlete Draco Malfoy allegedly was placed on the Quidditch squad
only after his father, a Hogwarts booster, gave a 'generous gift' of new,
state-of-the-art broomsticks to a number of student-athletes. Malfoy
'had to buy (his) way in,' says a fellow student. As you know, alumni
contributions and benefits to student-athletes are severly restricted
by NCAA rules.

III. Unethical Behavior
There are numerous reports of equipment tampering (e.g., enchanted
balls), substance abuse (bylaw 26.3.2 strictly forbids use of
performance-enhancing magicals spells) and practice sessions that extend
beyond the NCAA's prescribed limits.

IV. Lack of Institutional Control
One of your faculty members, Professor Snape, explains the reigning
attitude at Howararts when he describes the star status afforded a
former Quidditch standout: 'A small amount of talent on the Quidditch
field made him think he was a cut above the rest of us. . . Rules were
for lesser mortals, not Quidditch Cup winners.' Needless to say we are
concerned about these transgressions and would appreciate a response as
soon as possible--by conventional mail, please (not by owl carrier).