More About That Kiss...

[Ebony]

No: HPFGUIDX 7404

Yes, I'm beating a dead horse.  :)

I'm at school right now (Christmas week is full of parties and 
holiday programs--during movies and game time I have *rare* 
Internet time), and my Drama tech kids (all 8th graders) and I are 
having a post-production meeting over pizza as we speak.

I talked about yesterday's thread and asked their opinion.  Keep 
in mind these are American kids, mostly urban and exposed to a 
lot... common wisdom would have you think that a kiss on the 
cheek is a walk in the park.  I explained to them the arguments 
on both sides. 

This is what the girls (all 13/14) in this group want "those adults 
Ms. Thomas talks to online to know"...

"She's either testing the waters, playing games... or a 
touchy-feely person.  If she's always hugging on people (here I 
asked "typically physically affectionate?  Very outgoing?" they 
said yes), then no, it doesn't mean anything.  But if not... it means 
something. Even if she doesn't have a big crush on him, the 
thought of crush potential *has* entered her mind.  She wants to 
see his reaction for whatever reason."

"But don't you think if you were interested in someone, you'd do a 
lot more to show it?"  (Me, playing devil's advocate)

"Not if you didn't know if they liked you too."  They then told me 
about a current situation where a friend of theirs likes her best 
friend, and is trying to find out if he likes her.

"What if he's more than a friend?  What if he's like your brother?  
What if someone was out to get him, and you didn't know the 
next time you'd see him alive?"  (Me again)

Long pause.

"Nah..." they all said in unison.  "A nice, tight hug would do..."  
Here they seemed to struggle for words.  "She... she... she's... it's 
like a seed!"

"A seed?" I replied, amused.

"She's planting a seed."

Now I was thoroughly confused and said so.

"Ms. Thomas, you've forgotten what it's like to be our age!"

(Only as a elementary/middle school teacher can a 23 year old 
who is often mistaken for a high school kid in appearance be 
considered in her dotage.)

Fifteen minutes later, I'm thinking about this.   My kids are 
light-years away from the Hogwarts kids in relationship 
sophistication.  My fifth graders have "boyfriends and girlfriends" 
and a number have dates for tomorrow's middle school dance 
(our middle school is grades 5-8, ages 10-14 if you're outside 
the US), a surprising number of my sixth graders have had their 
first kiss, and some of the seventh and eighth (I suspect) are 
sexually active.  You'd think that the kiss as I read it just now 
would mean nothing to them... so of course it'd mean nothing to 
a fictional 14 year old growing up in a very old-fashioned milieu.

So my new thoughts are this (forgetting the psychobabble from lit 
crit seminar and thinking about what the kids said):

Hermione never put Harry into the brother category.  He and Ron 
are her best friends.  He, however, has put her into the sister 
category.  

Hermione's involvement with Krum was the first indication we 
have that anyone is interested in her in a "romantic" way.  She 
also knows by the end of GoF that Ron likes her.  

If the cheek kiss is a litmus test, it could have been any number 
of things.  If she's watching for a reaction (blushing, etc), which 
there is no indication of, perhaps she is just making certain that 
Harry's feelings won't change towards her the way Ron has.  
Remember, they've just experienced something very traumatic.  
Change at a time when everything is changing is not always 
pleasant... even if deep down she reciprocates Ron's interest, 
she may wonder if Harry's going to change, too.  

Also, kissing Harry (who has shown no interest in her) might 
have been easier and less "scary" than kissing Ron (who is 
starting to like her).  She may not know how she feels.  Or she 
may feel something for Ron, but be afraid of losing his 
friendship.  

I don't know if this is common, but I know when I told my man 
that I loved him in 1998 I was *terrified*--I was so afraid that I'd 
lose the best male friend I ever had.  I had quite a bit of
indication 
that he was interested as well, and it frightened me because for 
the first time in almost 21 years of living I was glimpsing The 
Real Thing.  I knew it'd change me.  I also knew we'd never be 
the same again... and we aren't.  You do feel an indescribable 
sense of "loss"...  I've had his love for 2 1/2 years now, but I 
missed the three year long platonic friendship that preceded it 
like everything at first.  Still have those pangs of nostalgia for it
at 
times.

I don't think it's possible to understand the above without 
experiencing it, not really.  That's why PoU was such a hit with 
those of us who are married to or in a relationship with their best 
friend.  Who knows--if someone had written a R/H story on the 
same level, with the same depth of characterization, I might be 
arguing for the opposite side of things.  (Yeah, right.)

OK--I went all over the place with this one.  But the bottom line is 
that we've learned not to take anything in a JKR book for granted.  
It's on the last page for something.  Either it's a red herring plot 
device (throw those crazy H/H folks I've been hearing about a 
bone), or it's something more.

Or maybe I'm teaching at a school full of relics from the 1800s in 
their worldviews.  :)

--Ebony